Our Ellersley Grace


We have a daughter, Ellersley Grace Deem. She was born on Saturday August 13th, 2011 at 11:31 pm. Elle lived close to my heart for 29 weeks and 1 day and then Jesus called her home. We had the most perfect pregnancy anyone could ask for and the doctors have said that what happened with Elle is impossible. We trust and believe that this was God's plan for our princess and she is living her life abundantly through her death. Like I said our pregnancy was absolutely perfect, no high blood pressure, no excessive weight gain, no clotting issues, no health issues with me or our sweet baby. Our 28th week came and we had our appointment on Wednesday. The doctor checked her heartbeat and said she had a very strong heart and she was looking perfect! We left that appointment so in love with our little girl just like we had always been and we were so looking forward to starting our 2 week appointments. That Saturday, after the appointment, came and we were busy bees all day long. We had baby shower shopping to do; we bought all the decorations for her party and we could NOT wait to celebrate her little life! That night as we laid in bed I suddenly started bleeding. We ended up calling 911 and we were rushed to the hospital. The entire time a peace came over my soul and I just kept talking to God and asking him to keep me and our sweet baby safe. He gave me peace in place of fear. The doctor's tried to find Elle's heartbeat and eventually they did but it was very faint. They told us that they had to do an emergency c-section right away, the baby had to come out. At 11:31 her little body came into this world. The doctors tried valiantly to keep her heart beating but our sweet girl lost her battle at 11:53pm. The doctors ended up explaining that I had a placental abruption and Elle lost too much blood to keep her little heart pumping. Our hearts were broken, we felt like our love was gone. She was our love, our love in it's truest state and she was gone. What were we supposed to do now? I can tell you that now, being 8.5 months away from Elle's birth, every day is a battle in my mind. I must choose Joy! I must live in the love and joy that I had with Ellersley and not the pain and sorrow that took her away. It is not easy and some days I don't live there. It is so difficult to think about the things that we should be doing each and every day and sometimes the silence is deafening to me and terrifies me in the deepest parts of my soul. I know that my God is near me every day and I do feel that there are times that he allows me to feel my sweet baby close to me. I feel that she is near when I see a butterfly flutter past me or when the warm wind blows in the summer breeze. She is our love and our joy, our firstborn baby. She will forever be cherished, loved and remembered...Hearts broke when your heart stopped beating, I don't know if mine will ever stop bleeding - Olivianna by JJ Heller
***this is a very condensed version of the story God has written for our Elle...if you would like to read from the beginning you can start with the very first post on this blog which was in October 2011. Thank you so much for visiting and reading about our sweet girl and all Jesus has done through her big life...


Elle's Mommy

7 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May God wrap his arms around you, your family, and our sweet babies in Heaven.

Love,
Elizabeth

Rachelle H said...

I am so sorry for the trauma you went through! that is so scary and then to not be able to take her home after all of that. I feel pain for you, but I am thankful you are trusting God--He will make it right.

Elisabeth said...

My heart breaks reading about your beautiful princess. Placental Abruption happened to us as well I was just 16 weeks along with a little boy. My heart is still broken missing him so much. His full term birthday was last month. He would be 2 now. His name is Lukas Ethan "Luke".

We tried so long to get pregnant with him (Over 3 years) we couldn't wait to make him a big brother. Sadly due to unknown reasons she joined her brother in heaven on May 24, 2011. We named her Adyn Christine.

One bible verse I've held onto since the loss of my children is Psalm 30:5

A greiving mommy gave me the One year book of hope. Her precious baby lived to be 10 months old. During the time I recieved it my second baby had passed away and my grandmother was given a terminal cancer diagnosis ( all in the same week actually)

Natalie Ross said...

Oh my heart ached for you as I read this.. I'm so sorry for all you went through. Your sweet Ellersley was beautiful and perfect in every way. And though she is safe in the arms of Jesus, She is so very missed on this earth and always will be. I'm so very sorry. Much love and many prayers for you and your family.

Catherine said...

Your beautiful daughter Ellersley is so precious <3

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I also lost my baby (Gabriel) at 29 weeks 1 day due to an umbilical cord accident and fatal condition.

Much love and peace to you...

Elisabeth said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and your beautiful daughter. Your faith and the way you have clung to God's goodness and sovereignty even through great heartache is such an encouragement to read. I look forward to continuing to follow your blog.

While my story is much different, we also lost our first daughter, Grace. We will never forget her, and it blesses my heart every time my son asks about his big sister. How I long for that day when there will be no more sorrow and we will see her again!

Alexa said...

Sorry for your loss <3 Youre a strong mom.