tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54324274165871496362024-03-13T00:24:50.880-04:00Love always leaves a MarkWriting about life; the good, the bad and the Jesus that fills the inbetween...Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-17243131071039675242014-02-26T11:03:00.001-05:002014-02-26T11:03:26.338-05:00You Are For Me<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Some mornings I turn on JJ Heller Radio on ITunes. It brings peace and calmness to our home and a spirit of joy and gratitude to my God for another day to breathe. Today I heard this song...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have heard it before and somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, "Wow, what a beautiful song..." I never really paid that close attention to it but today as it came on tears came to my eyes as my heart, for the first time, heard the words that she was actually singing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know that you are for me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know that you are for me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know that you have come now </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">even if to write upon my heart </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">to remind me who you are</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He is for us and he speaks in the little, every day moments just to remind us of that fact. He has come now just to write upon my heart and remind me of who He is. Sometimes I forget. I forget who he really is. I forget that I don't know all of Him. I forget that He is so much more complex than the box that I try to fit Him in. I forget that He knows a lot more than I do. I forget that he not only loves me but he loves everyone just as much as He loves me. I forget that His mercy and His grace is never-ending. I forget that He has called me mighty. I forget that He has made me His daughter. I forget that He is my beloved. I forget. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Thank you for the reminder today, Jesus. Thank you. Thank you that you are for me. Thank you for not forsaking me in my weakness. Thank you for writing on my heart. Thank you for reminding me of who you are. I will sing this song to you all day today to remind you and to remind me that you are for me. You fought for me. You died for me. You love me. I love you. Thank you seems to not ever be enough...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Blessings to you my sweet friends, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Elle and Isaiah's mama </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-43155031181314144362014-02-19T00:31:00.000-05:002014-02-19T00:31:13.324-05:00Happy Belated Valentine's Day<div style="text-align: center;">
I took some amazingly adorable photos of a few of my Valentines this past weekend and well, they are begging desperately to be shared. Since I have been in a funk the past few days these have given me extreme joy...I hope they do the same for you! I hope that all of you had a fantabulous Valentine's day and shared the love that this world needs! </div>
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Much love and enjoy! </div>
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Elle and Isaiah's mama </div>
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Our Isaiah Sammy...the hair is on the edge of I-desperately-need-a haircut-but-my-mom-is-too-afraid-of-change and I-am-rockin'-that-messy-celebrity-look...</div>
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he makes my soul happy</div>
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he was in love with his bag of goodies</div>
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of course being in love naturally means eating the goodies inside</div>
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awesome</div>
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I just love this...I may want it blown up and framed</div>
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Seriously??? Sweet blue-eyed baby Lili</div>
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it just doesn't get better</div>
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Oh, I lied...yes it does</div>
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kisses for Lili...always giving Lili kisses</div>
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and that's enough</div>
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Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-56261186160018522212014-02-16T23:45:00.003-05:002014-02-16T23:47:20.315-05:00A broken hallelujah<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Jesus, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You see my tears...the ones that fell today and the ones that I somehow managed to keep inside. Today was a hard day and I did not like it. Somehow, it seems like the blows just keep coming and I have nothing left to do but crumble. Is that what you want? You want a crumbled mess? I have no idea how it happened or why it happened but when you let Ellersley leave it brought a whole mess of insecurity. Insecurity in who I am, who you want me to be, how you want me to be, where you want me to be and what all of that is supposed to look like in every day life. I walk around in a haze, wondering if I'm ever enough for anyone else let alone you. I wonder if I'll ever be enough...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Will I ever be enough? I give my time, I give my love, I give my family, I give myself...will I ever be enough? Am I supposed to be enough or am I supposed to just give you? When I give me am I giving you? All of this is so confusing. I say it all the time, my identity is in Christ. Do I know what that means? Do I know that it means that my life is not measured by others but it's measured by you? Do I know that you are my joy? Do I know that you are my confidence? Do I know that I stand at the end of every day because of you? Do I know that every time I speak life into someone else it's giving glory to you? Do I know that when I give of myself and my family and my time and my love that I am really giving you? Do I realize this? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Some days are full of joy and some days are full of horrendous pain. Pain that makes me question every single part of my life; my life as a wife, my life as a mother, my life as a woman, my life as a Jesus chaser, my life as a leader, my life as a friend, my life as a daughter, my life as a sister, my life as an aunt...This has never been my reality, Jesus, and I am having a very difficult time navigating it. I suppose I am being a massive drama queen but this life of insecurity sucks. This is not a fun ride and I must say that I want off and I want off right now. I want you to make it stop. I want to stop caring what everyone thinks except you. I want to stop listening to the voice of the enemy. I want to stop being so concerned about me and start being concerned about you. I want to stop. I want you to make it all stop. I want you to tell me that you made me perfectly and wonderfully. I want you to tell me all the things I tell teenage girls every week...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You are beautiful You are wanted You are mine You are a precious gift</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You were made for a purpose You were made fearfully and wonderfully You are lovely</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Your identity is in me Your joy is in me Your confidence is in me You are my beloved</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You are enough because of me</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Tonight, I am broken and I suppose that is just what you want. You want me to continually be broken before you. A vessel that is always shattered and willing to inspect what is truly at the core of my being. A vessel that is willing to continually be rebuilt with the characteristics and qualities of the everlasting father. Thank you for choosing me. I hate it, to just be blatantly honest. Well, I hate it today, but as you say...tomorrow is a new day and your mercies are new every single morning. Hallelujah for that. I'm listening to this song tonight and it fits perfectly...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Fo3DudOzV4k?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I've seen joy and I've seen pain</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">and on my knees, I call your name </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Here's my broken Hallelujah </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">With nothing left to hold onto </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I raise these empty hands to you </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">here's my broken </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">here's my broken Hallelujah</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So, here's my broken hallelujah...take it tonight and tomorrow, help me rebuild it so that it will look more like you with each new day. I love you and thank you for choosing me...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Nicki</span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-79724163774240912022014-01-28T10:48:00.000-05:002014-01-28T10:48:01.279-05:00He will choose me <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I had a moment this morning. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It brought tears.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It brought repentance. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It brought what I hope will be a lot of change. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">We were at the kitchen table for breakfast, Isaiah and I. Wesley was getting ready for his day while I sang songs to Isaiah and fed him some oatmeal in between. Wesley leaned over me smiling and talking to Isaiah and I watched Wesley and smiled. I leaned in and kissed his cheek and then I looked at Isaiah. I expected him to be looking at Daddy in wonder, which is his usual gaze. Instead, he was staring at me with this look of concentration in his eyes. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He was studying me... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He was watching me... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He was catching the look in my eye as I looked at his Daddy... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He saw that kiss... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He saw the smile...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And then I realized... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He is studying and he will be until the day he leaves this home. I looked in his eyes and I smiled as he threw his head back and smiled his toothy grin.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am the model. I am the one who will show him how to choose a wife. He will choose one like me. He will choose one that acts the way I act. He will choose one that treats him the way I treat his Daddy. He will choose one who loves the way I love. He will choose one and he will base his vision of what one should be on what I am. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">That is terrifying. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I cried. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I cried because it's just not possible that my baby will ever grow up. It cannot happen. I will be the first mom to actually make time stop, I am determined. I cried also because...are you kidding me? I cannot possibly be the model. I can't be the example. I am so very unworthy of this title; of this position that God has given me. I cannot possibly lead him in the right way. I do not have the characteristics I should have. I do not take care of my husband the way that I should. I do not hold harsh words. I do not put him first most days. I do not give unselfishly. I do not hold him in high esteem as I should. I am so very unworthy. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I read an article the other day about this very topic. It's been on my mind ever since and it is probably the reason that I made this connection and realization this morning. The article was all about mommies and how mommies were wives first. That you fell in love with a man and for a while it was just you and him. He was your all; the focus of your day, the laughter in the deep, the excitement of your life. It talked about not losing that in the midst of an insane day which turns into insane weeks and insane months and then insane years. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today, I am broken over the way that my son will view marriage. This world is destroying it minute by minute. They are turning it into something it was never meant to be and I am determined (just as determined as stopping time) that in our home the view will be different. Our son will know how to choose a wife that is full of respect, full of grace, full of love, full of compassion and full of forgiveness. One that holds her tongue and quiets her voice. One that is loving and kind, sweet and repentant. I must be this...I must do it for my husband first and then I must do it for my son. I am sad that it has taken a child in our home for me to come to this realization but I cannot change the past, I can only repent and move forward with Jesus by my side.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He will choose based on me and mamas, your baby boys will choose a spouse based on you. Live up to the challenge. Be the woman to your man that you want your son to have. Now, when those harsh words come up so quickly I will think twice about holding them. Not only do I love my husband and am I doing it for him because I love him but I am a role model for little ears and little eyes that are listening and watching. I hold a very weighty responsibility in my hands and I am choosing to run with it and change the view of marriage for our children. Marriage will equal kind words, soft voices, hugs and kisses, smiles and forgiveness when mistakes are made...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Our home will be different than this world...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My future daughter-in-love, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I must confess to you that after 14 months of our son's life this is the first time I have ever thought about you as a very real part of our lives. I have not prayed for you as I should; I haven't even imagined you in my mind. For that I am sorry and I hope to change that. I want you to know that I love you and I haven't even met you and won't, hopefully, until my son is at least 35. I want you to know that I will try my best. I will try to model a loving, patient, forgiving and compassionate wife. I will try to model Jesus. I will give my all in hopes that when he is choosing you he will look for those things. All I can say is please be Jesus to him and do it from the very beginning. I have wasted so many years. I have allowed Satan to deceive and steal so much because of my need for control. Let Jesus be your guide and show him love and grace when he needs it most. Show forgiveness when needed. Show repentance and humbleness. Say sorry and ask for forgiveness when necessary. Show respect and keep the harsh words to yourself. It won't be easy and failing will be necessary to learn some things...it's ok...we will give grace and so will he. Our son will choose you and therefore, so will we. We will model a marriage for him; one of love, forgiveness and some mighty strength. We will model Jesus and we hope and pray that God will fill your marriage with the same mercy and grace he has given to ours...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Elle and Isaiah's mommy </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-39949637876032271202013-11-18T09:26:00.000-05:002013-11-18T09:26:04.637-05:00We remember... <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today is the day...</span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">One year ago today at 1:07am a tiny, fragile, dark skinned and dark haired baby boy was born. He came into this world 9 weeks before this world planned for him but just on time for the plan God had for him. He came in via emergency c section under stress. He weighed only 3lb 10oz and was 16.5 inches long. He had big brown eyes and a head full of dark brown hair. He was bright red, just like a little chili pepper. </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">At that time, he wasn't sure of who his mama and daddy would be. He hadn't been introduced to them yet but he did get to meet his birth mom and his birth dad. His birth mom was a beautiful young lady with long blonde hair and very fair skin. His birth dad was average height with dark brown hair and very dark skin. He got to spend some time with them, holding their hands and listening to them whisper their plans for him. He heard how much they loved him and he saw the tears they cried when they told him this would be one of the last moments they would have together. And then he waited... </span></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">On November 21st they walked through the door to his room. His daddy made his mommy promise not to look at him before they both could go over and see him together. They washed their hands (up to their elbows) and he heard their giggles and could see their smiles from where he was laying covered in wires and secured in his warm incubator. </span></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The moment they walked from the sink to the bed seemed like forever and like they were stepping on clouds. They felt like it was a dream come true. They held hands and smiled and their eyes were sparkling with all the joy and love a parent could hold. As soon as they reached his incubator and looked down at him he raised his arms up in the air as if he were saying SCORE or showing them just how big he was. He slept through most of their first meeting but he heard their giggles and their whispers of "Oh, baby Isaiah how we have prayed for you and dreamed of you and we loved you so much before we ever even laid eyes on you." </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He watched as they left and then returned with his birth mother. He listened as they talked and got to know one another. He held her hand as she spoke about how scared she was for him and how she hoped that his adoptive parents would love him even if he had problems due to a traumatic birth. He watched as she whispered love to him and held his little hand just like a mama would. He listened to his new mama and daddy tell her how much they already loved him and how long they have been waiting for him and praying for him and praying for her. He listened as they giggled and said that NOTHING would ever stop them from loving him. He listened as they told her that she would always be a hero in their hearts and she would always be spoken of very highly in their home. </span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Isaiah Samuel was born today and his daddy and I have many tears of joy and a very grateful heart. We cannot believe it has been a year. We remember the days leading up to this day. We remember the ache. We remember the pain. We remember the whys. We remember the 16 year old girl that came up to us at church on November 18th; it was her first time there, she was visiting family for Thanksgiving. She told us that she knew a couple in her home church that went through a lot of fertility issues and couldn't have children. They had decided to adopt and they were matched with a baby and that baby was born and the birth mom changed her mind. She said they were devastated but then Jesus gave them another baby and this birth mom did not change her mind and their baby boy was now almost 1 and he was theirs forever. She said God had a plan and not to give up and to trust in him and his timing. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">We remember the call I got while at work on Monday, November 19th. We remember sitting and listening as our adoption consultant spoke about a tiny preemie that was born the day before and he was waiting for his mama and his daddy. We remember putting our YES on the table and allowing God to take us on the most amazing journey. We remember. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today we will celebrate one year of God's glorious plan. One year of joy. One year of complete and utter thankfulness. One year of awe. One year of wonder. One year of Jesus showing us just how much he loves us. One year of redemption. One year of the amazing journey of adoption. I have been listening to a song lately called Come Away...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Come away with me, come away with me </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's never too late, it's not too late, it's not too late for you</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have a plan for you, I have a plan for you</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be full of me </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Jesus is wild. His plan is wild. We NEVER in our wildest dreams or imaginings could have come up with the journey he has us on. We decided a long time ago to trust him. It doesn't always look like it should and we don't always go easily but eventually we get to the place we should be. We trust him. We know that he has our BEST interest at heart. We know that his plan is the best plan and we do not ever want to fight it. It may hurt for a minute but in the end it is full of more joy than one heart can contain. Don't fight his plan. Follow him. Trust him. Believe us when we say, it is worth every second. Every ache. Every pain. Every tear. It's worth it. </span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Our Saiah Sammy, </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today you are one year old. Mama and Dada cannot even believe it. You have been our greatest joy Isaiah. You have shown us what true redemption is. You have shown us what true hope is. You have shown us what dreams coming alive looks like. You have shown us what true joy looks like. You are our perfect picture of God's love for us. You are silly, so smiley in the mornings, stubborn, sassy, busy, handsome, funny and serious. You love to sing and dance. You love to be sung to. You love church. You love kids. You love to play. You love to read books. You love to say dada and you are working on mama. You love to get into EVERYTHING! You love your baba and you love to eat. You love vacation and a new place to stay. You are such a joy Bubs. Daddy and I have loved raising you this past year. It was our heart's cry to get to raise a baby here on this earth and you have filled that void. Jesus has given us such a sweet gift in you baby boy. We can't wait to see all that God has planned for your big life. We thank him for each and every day with you and we pray that you would always run after Him. Today we will celebrate you. The amazing life that God has given you and the amazing gift he has given us. We love you Isaiah Sammy and nothing will ever change that just like we told your birth mom one year ago. We promised her that we would love you forever and that is most definitely what we will do. To the moon and back our love, to the moon and back. </span></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Love you always...</span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>mama and dada</i> </span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-59371187145689695332013-10-16T16:14:00.000-04:002013-10-16T16:17:32.892-04:00Walking it Out <div style="text-align: center;">
We walked on Saturday, October 13th for our Ellersley and our baby moo and many other sweet babies that dance with Jesus in heaven. We joined over 450 other people for our Walk for the Angels. It is an annual event put on by an A M A Z I N G <span style="color: #e06666;"><b><a href="http://www.godstinyangels.org/" target="_blank">grief support group</a></b></span> that supported Wesley and I after the birth and death of our Ellersley. We adore them and the bonds that were formed in those precious months after Elle's passing will never be broken. We may only see them once a year but it is a precious time that we cherish! </div>
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This year was extra special because we got to take Isaiah and well, that had me in tears a lot of the day. I was very emotional and I was forcing myself to hold my tears in almost all day. I loathe crying in front of others...that hideous pride of mine. Isaiah loved it; he adores new people so he was just in heaven seeing so many people and being in a new place. He got to meet all of our old friends and they all loved seeing his cuteness. It was a great day remembering Elle and little moo and all that God has done for our family in this life after death. </div>
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We took this family picture the morning of the walk because our daddy had a cross country meet he had to coach...he couldn't come to the walk and we were very sad but it's his job so we obliged happily! :)</div>
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Our Uncle Rob and Aunt Rara and sweet baby Liam!</div>
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Isaiah Sammy with his Walk shirt and his pin for Ellersley!</div>
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so so blessed to be his mama <3 br=""><!--3--><!--3--></3></div>
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Walkin' it out!</div>
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It was an absolutely GORGEOUS day! So gorgeous that I was a bit shocked and Isaiah was sweating since I thought it was October in Ohio and it turned out to be June... :)</div>
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Isaiah got tired of the stroller, he wanted to walk some too :)</div>
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He loves to send balloons to sissy!</div>
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He's kissing it! :)</div>
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sweet friends :)</div>
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sending our balloons away with lots of hugs and kisses :)</div>
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He watched them float away forever :) such a sweetie...</div>
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so so silly and so happy</div>
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i love him </div>
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my sweet, sweet friend...Erica :)</div>
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We had a blast and we hope that your October has been wonderful as you remember and honor the sweet babies that you cannot hold. We will continue to pray that God's everlasting peace would surround each and every family of loss...</div>
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Much love,</div>
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Elle and Isaiah's Mommy </div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-39722479347827056142013-10-10T22:15:00.002-04:002013-10-10T22:15:43.367-04:00Life is Gorgeous<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I figure it's been a good, long while since I've posted some pictures of our bub man here so I will get to it! I apologize for the delay and hope you enjoy these pictures of his gorgeousness as a peace offering... :) </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Mr. Isaiah Sammy...10.5 months old! And, no that is not a wig...amazing head of gorgeous hair!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Pj's and this incredible Monster hoodie</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Yes, he eats all by himself now, sometimes...like a big boy!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> He loves to see mama or daddy in the morning!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This is his prized possession...he ADORES it! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> This is Isaiah's sweet cousin, our little Liam! He was blowing me kisses :)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">love love love him </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> some swing time at the park...he was laughing and laughing! heavenly sounds!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> his smile behind that swing is priceless!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I told you he was gorgeous </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> blurry but adorable :)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We hope you are having a fantasticly gorgeous week! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Love, </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Elle and Isaiah's mommy </span></span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-41229445226735079182013-10-09T16:44:00.000-04:002013-10-09T16:44:33.739-04:00Redemption <i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Redemption...</span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's been on my mind a lot lately. It was brought to the forefront of my mind as I have been watching a woman battle a pending divorce. I watch her weep and I hear her pain. I see the agony of defeat all over her entire body; head to toe. I was weeping for her and her family and God whispered... <i>Redemption.</i> </span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am redemption. </span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I died and it looked ugly but then...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Then, all that was redeemed. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I woke up and the greatness of that made the ache of death seem so very dim.</span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am redemption. </span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In the sweet reminder he gave me I was able to encourage this woman but also be reminded of the amazing redemption in my own life; in our story. Our story is a picture of the amazing redemption that only Jesus can offer. Any person who has a personal relationship with Jesus has a story and a journey of redemption. He turned your darkness into light, your mourning into dancing, your ache into joy. He made all things new which means that, at some point, all things were not new. They were old and dirty and ugly and nasty. And now; now they are new and alive and well. </span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Redemption. </span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Someone was making fun of me the other day. They were sarcastically discussing my overuse, in their opinion, of Facebook. They were laughing because an acquaintance of ours mentioned that they saw pictures of our son on Facebook and, in their opinion, that means that I put him on Facebook too often. I was seriously offended by this statement, probably way more than I should have been but we will save that discussion for another post. First of all, I love my son and love equates to facebooking him all over the place (please note sarcasm). Secondly, he is stinking gorgeous people...who wouldn't want to look at him a billion times a day???? And, lastly but most important...in our eyes, Isaiah is a perfect picture of the redemption of Jesus.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Our lives were in ruins after losing our daughter and Jesus brought us Isaiah. He is the hope we had been holding onto, he is the good after the bad. He is the sunshine after so much rain. He is a picture of Jesus making all things new. He is alive and well and so stinking gorgeous. Why would we not want to share him and that picture of redemption with everyone we meet? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Also, I've talked about it here a lot but adoption...oh, it's all about redemption my friends. God decided to adopt us into his family; into his home and take our rough, dirty, ugly past and make it all new. Isaiah came from a long line of nasty pain and hurtful ugliness but Jesus...he has made all things new. He gave him a birth family and an adoptive family that will love him and cherish him for all of his days. A family to raise him to someday know of the redeeming power of Jesus that can come alive in his own heart and life someday. I could go on all day...I just love me some redemption! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I talk about all of this to share this amazing story with you and to let you in on one of our next adventures. Read this article...because it's awesome and made me cry and hopefully you will be moved to fight for orphans in your area and around the globe. </span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="entry-title">Amid churchgoers, an orphan pleads for a family</span></span></span></i>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a class="hasIcon dropDown" href="http://www.tampabay.com/writers/lane-degregory"><img alt="Lane DeGregory" src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/2012/10/DeGregory_Lane_wp.jpg" /><span class="authorName">Lane DeGregory, Times Staff Writer</span></a></span></span></i>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Monday, October 7, 2013 11:56am</span></span></i></div>
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<li class="flex-active-slide" data-caption="Davion Only, 15, follows along with the Sunday sermon at St. Mark Missionary Baptist Church during his visit in September. MELISSA LYTTLE | Times" style="display: block; float: left; width: 746px;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Davion Only, 15, follows along with the Sunday sermon at St. Mark Missionary Baptist Church during his visit in September." src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/rendered/2013/10/davion_11684308_8col.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
<li data-caption="Davion Only, 15, center, gets a hug and encouragement from Dorothy Whitlock of St. Petersburg after he spoke to the St. Mark congregation about himself and how badly he wants a family. MELISSA LYTTLE | Times" style="display: block; float: left; width: 746px;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Davion Only, 15, center, gets a hug and encouragement from Dorothy Whitlock of St. Petersburg after he spoke to the St. Mark congregation about himself and how badly he wants a family." src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/rendered/2013/10/a4s_DAVION100813b_11665272_8col.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
<li data-caption="Wearing his only suit and with Bible in hand, Davion gets some help with his tie from Connie Going, his Eckerd caseworker. MELISSA LYTTLE | Times" style="display: block; float: left; width: 746px;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Wearing his only suit and with Bible in hand, Davion gets some help with his tie from Connie Going, his Eckerd caseworker. " src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/rendered/2013/10/a4s_DAVION100813c_11665242_8col.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
<li data-caption="Davion, left, talks with his mentor, Richard Prince, 22, at an outing. They were paired up through the One Church One Child program. They usually go to a park to play basketball or talk. MELISSA LYTTLE | Times" style="display: block; float: left; width: 746px;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Davion, left, talks with his mentor, Richard Prince, 22, at an outing. They were paired up through the One Church One Child program. They usually go to a park to play basketball or talk. " src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/rendered/2013/10/a4s_DAVION100813d_11665265_8col.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Davion Only, 15, follows along with the Sunday sermon at St. Mark Missionary Baptist Church during his visit in September." src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/2013/10/davion_11684308.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Davion Only, 15, center, gets a hug and encouragement from Dorothy Whitlock of St. Petersburg after he spoke to the St. Mark congregation about himself and how badly he wants a family." src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/2013/10/a4s_DAVION100813b_11665272.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Wearing his only suit and with Bible in hand, Davion gets some help with his tie from Connie Going, his Eckerd caseworker. " src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/2013/10/a4s_DAVION100813c_11665242.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><img alt="Davion, left, talks with his mentor, Richard Prince, 22, at an outing. They were paired up through the One Church One Child program. They usually go to a park to play basketball or talk. " src="http://www.tampabay.com/resources/images/dti/2013/10/a4s_DAVION100813d_11665265.jpg" /></span></span></i></li>
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<div class="gallery editorial">
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span></i><div class="entry-content">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">ST. PETERSBURG — As soon as they pulled into the church lot, Davion changed his mind.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"Miss! Hey, Miss!" he called to his caseworker, who was driving. "I don't want to do this anymore."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In the back seat, he hugged the Bible someone had given him at the foster home. "You're going to be great," Connie Going said.</span></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Outside St. Mark Missionary Baptist Church, she straightened his tie.
Like his too-big black suit, the white tie had been donated. It zipped
up around the neck, which helped. No one had ever taught Davion, 15, how
to tie one.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"Are you ready?" Going asked. Hanging his head, he followed her into the sanctuary.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This had been his idea. He'd heard something about God helping people
who help themselves. So here he was, on a Sunday in September,
surrounded by strangers, taking his future into his sweaty hands. </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• • •</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Davion Navar Henry Only loves all of his names. He has memorized the
meaning of each one: beloved, brown, ruler of the home, the one and
only.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But he has never had a home or felt beloved. His name is the last thing his parents gave him.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He was born while his mom was in jail. He can't count all of the places he has lived.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In June, Davion sat at a library computer, unfolded his birth
certificate and, for the first time, searched for his mother's name. Up
came her mug shot: 6-foot-1, 270 pounds — tall, big and dark, like him.
Petty theft, cocaine.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Next he saw the obituary: La-Dwina Ilene "Big Dust" McCloud, 55, of Clearwater, died June 5, 2013. Just a few weeks before.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• • •</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In church, Davion scanned the crowd. More than 300 people packed the
pews. Men in bright suits, grandmoms in sequined hats, moms hugging
toddlers on their laps. Everyone seemed to have a family except him.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Davion sat beside Going, his caseworker from Eckerd, and struggled to
follow the sermon: something about a letter Paul wrote. "He was in
prison," said the Rev. Brian Brown. "Awaiting an uncertain future . . ."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Sometimes Davion felt like that, holed up at Carlton Manor with 12
teenage boys, all with problems. All those rules, cameras recording
everything.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Davion wants to play football, but there's no one to drive him to
practice. He wants to use the bathroom without having to ask someone to
unlock the door.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">More than anything, he wants someone to tell him he matters. To understand when he begs to leave the light on. </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"You may be in a dark place," said the preacher. "But look for the joyful moments when you can praise God."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Picking at his fingers, Davion wondered what to say. And whether anyone would hear him.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• • •</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Davion always longed for a family. His caseworker took him to
picnics, put his portrait in the Heart Gallery. But he had thrown
chairs, blown his grades, pushed people away.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When he learned his birth mother was dead, everything changed. He had
to let go of the hope that she would come get him. Abandon his anger.
Now he didn't have anyone else to blame.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"He decided he wanted to control his behavior and show everyone who he could be," Going said.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So someone would want him.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"I'll take anyone," Davion said. "Old or young, dad or mom, black,
white, purple. I don't care. And I would be really appreciative. The
best I could be."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">All summer, he worked on swallowing his rage, dropping his defenses.
He lost 40 pounds. So far in 10th grade, he has earned A's — except in
geometry.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"He's come a long way," said Floyd Watkins, program manager at
Davion's group home. "He's starting to put himself out there, which is
hard when you've been rejected so many times."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Davion decided he couldn't wait for someone to find him. In three years, he'll be on his own. </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"I know they're out there," he told his caseworker. Though he is shy,
he said he wanted to talk at a church. "Maybe if someone hears my story
. . ."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• • •</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The preacher spoke about orphans, how Jesus lifted them up. He
described an epidemic, "alarming numbers of African-American children
who need us."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Then he introduced Davion, who shuffled to the pulpit. Without
looking up, Davion wiped his palms on his pants, cleared his throat, and
said: </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"My name is Davion and I've been in foster care since I was born. . .
. I know God hasn't given up on me. So I'm not giving up either."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Lane DeGregory can be reached at degregory@tampabay.com or (727) 893-8825. </span></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span></i><div class="infobox">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>How to help</b></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">At publication time, two couples had asked about Davion, but no one had come forward to adopt him.</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If
you want more information about Davion — or any of the 120 foster
children in Pinellas and Pasco who are waiting for families — call
Eckerd at (866) 233-0790. If you can't adopt but want to donate time or
money, call Eckerd at (727) 456-0600. For information about children who
are available for adoption in Hillsborough County, go to heartgallery<br /><br />tampabay.org. </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span></i><div class="timestamp">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Amid churchgoers, an orphan pleads for a family 10/07/13
<span class="updated" title="2013-10-07T21:32:45Z">
[Last modified: Monday, October 7, 2013 9:32pm]
</span></span></span></i>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.tampabay.com/universal/user_agreement.shtml" rel="item-license">© 2013 Tampa Bay Times</a></span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This is heartbreaking but it's also prime opportunity for redemption to show it's amazing power. God has a plan for this young man and I hope I hear his amazing name again someday soon. I hope and pray it's him standing up and telling the world about the amazing redeeming power of Jesus and that he puts the lonely in families. He redeems the ugly and makes it oh so pretty. He makes all things so new. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Wesley and I are in the beginning stages of foster care. God has a plan for some sweet babies and we are hoping and praying that he will allow us to be a part of many sweet ones precious lives. We know the road will be long and full of things we cannot imagine but we know that God always has a great plan; one that is full of his redemption. Redemption for us and redemption for many precious little ones that he loves so very much. We can't wait to see all He has planned...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Much love to all of you...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Elle and Isaiah's Mommy </span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-59633742989423252402013-08-13T09:57:00.002-04:002013-08-13T09:57:20.388-04:00There is Beauty here... <div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Two years is weird...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It feels so very different from the first year. I feel that I have moved on but then I feel that I'm still standing in the same place I was a year ago. I feel so happy that she's not here but then so sad that we aren't walking hand in hand at the park. I feel like I know who I am again but then I look at myself sometimes wondering who on earth it is that's staring back at me in the mirror. I feel intense love here but sometimes the intense emptiness floods in. I feel fulfilled. I feel peace. I feel joy; honest and pure joy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The biggest emotion that I have at this 2 year birthday/anniversary is intense gratitude over the beauty that has been found here. There is beauty here...lots and lots of beauty. The death of a child is devastating, heart-wrenching and just plain awful. These descriptions come to mind for people who just hear of another's loss; those words barely delve into the mess that it causes in the lives of those that are directly affected. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today, not only are we remembering the day that she came but we are remembering all the days directly following. We are remembering the emptiness; the huge hole that she left in our home and our hearts. We are remembering the groaning and the ache of dreams that were now lost, never to be returned. In the midst of that I have this gratitude and this huge smile on my face. She brought beauty, lots and lots of beauty. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Isaiah 61:1-3 </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I don't know about you but I think it's pretty incredible that this verse comes out of the book of Isaiah. :) What a great name! :) Two years later and we are seeing the beauty that Jesus promised. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIJukLYeH_itpQzPm8NksvuHh_0I5Qru2uD7yci2Ar3fqDRDe3LtdmDwvWpacnhkvLhB907b_suAcGwr0wOuH7z3CEMz-VCkpZ9qnc5K0AUsDdwOqciO4BsEAQzbNNvtZRLfwFNAD6/s1600/344.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIJukLYeH_itpQzPm8NksvuHh_0I5Qru2uD7yci2Ar3fqDRDe3LtdmDwvWpacnhkvLhB907b_suAcGwr0wOuH7z3CEMz-VCkpZ9qnc5K0AUsDdwOqciO4BsEAQzbNNvtZRLfwFNAD6/s320/344.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We have watched as Jesus took this blog and used it and our Ellersley to bring more glory to himself than we ever could have done without her story. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQab3Zkp5wvvCxLkT7cmQOSnvITjEVDEj6tQiBIALwRHqFHrb7BlsmOV2PGMIkys_I6OvhlH4D5zfAS-bE9prDnl55Wqd4_ypv5l7zKUgvgfkvm1LGGAXwv9f9F_zsC6kiEkWODCoP/s1600/352.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQab3Zkp5wvvCxLkT7cmQOSnvITjEVDEj6tQiBIALwRHqFHrb7BlsmOV2PGMIkys_I6OvhlH4D5zfAS-bE9prDnl55Wqd4_ypv5l7zKUgvgfkvm1LGGAXwv9f9F_zsC6kiEkWODCoP/s320/352.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We have seen Him bring more compassion toward others because of Elle.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlFM_4izFl7xq_3hNX_XEVlELTN0CadWxC-QzRp9H0M4sAp17_L3IkkQV_NcTL8nOR0JnJstcZEBN4b7dL8QwUA9IeqkxZ3NXiqRk4BjpTfPCILxxgVRNgpjB6MznMPhH7mLS72PJl/s1600/351.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlFM_4izFl7xq_3hNX_XEVlELTN0CadWxC-QzRp9H0M4sAp17_L3IkkQV_NcTL8nOR0JnJstcZEBN4b7dL8QwUA9IeqkxZ3NXiqRk4BjpTfPCILxxgVRNgpjB6MznMPhH7mLS72PJl/s320/351.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We have seen friendships grow with people we never would have ever known before our daughter.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7AoKIIYfflx1qqYa3IAK_8rElhdtEPB91U_JaSz1Wx1jX9hcx8uZp3tWLXnq42gNadv6EllEWoIfmO73-1-JEjtn72v4EKtcb1wHMC56wT1g7A46yAAq6usox5hmbaRZKz1H7svB1/s1600/ellersley+019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7AoKIIYfflx1qqYa3IAK_8rElhdtEPB91U_JaSz1Wx1jX9hcx8uZp3tWLXnq42gNadv6EllEWoIfmO73-1-JEjtn72v4EKtcb1wHMC56wT1g7A46yAAq6usox5hmbaRZKz1H7svB1/s320/ellersley+019.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We have been a part of loving a group of teenagers; learning how to love like Jesus loved-with a lot of grace and loads of patience. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZf7gO6YvEKOKI11iNCzUE8eKbJ24zDSofDXVBPy5BSaPAVhKfNDRmu_g6-mwOmj_rqORU_5Lu_VHtfelS-gqde0GnbHdxSdr5tVwimkFCnFtxbvp21CraJeDd1YS9Py1r4jKQ5I6/s1600/030.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZf7gO6YvEKOKI11iNCzUE8eKbJ24zDSofDXVBPy5BSaPAVhKfNDRmu_g6-mwOmj_rqORU_5Lu_VHtfelS-gqde0GnbHdxSdr5tVwimkFCnFtxbvp21CraJeDd1YS9Py1r4jKQ5I6/s1600/030.jpg" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We have endured the breaking down of our pride and control. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRyuN7btJvuWhq9G2qqJ2frWRiHG4iguKDQ0agMTflihEDkQv-1ZM9KO8Cyi1u7eg6WJZeBI2STGxDBrytd2EevhGZ5tsOy249NDbuFcpafmoGEGvhGjM0BtAZ4xb2cAZkC0VuulFO/s1600/048.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRyuN7btJvuWhq9G2qqJ2frWRiHG4iguKDQ0agMTflihEDkQv-1ZM9KO8Cyi1u7eg6WJZeBI2STGxDBrytd2EevhGZ5tsOy249NDbuFcpafmoGEGvhGjM0BtAZ4xb2cAZkC0VuulFO/s320/048.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We stood by and watched as God took the reigns of our adoption journey and he made it exactly what he wanted it to be.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkGRUt-F-VmABOORgvTKUfPumfldCX7dNtD_4i0yTBVjOM5s1BPLV6T31nlabLGcbhygma9rtZZxe5Tg2R4VIDLU8EXTbPR6mSwUPNYy6P3lKSvj_M4XKdqPHt5D2QGA_Xcq6fYsKy/s1600/Nikki+%2526+WesTamiz+Photography_14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkGRUt-F-VmABOORgvTKUfPumfldCX7dNtD_4i0yTBVjOM5s1BPLV6T31nlabLGcbhygma9rtZZxe5Tg2R4VIDLU8EXTbPR6mSwUPNYy6P3lKSvj_M4XKdqPHt5D2QGA_Xcq6fYsKy/s320/Nikki+%2526+WesTamiz+Photography_14.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We stood by as he intricately timed each event and brought us to Isaiah's NICU room on the most perfect day and at the most perfect time.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbv9IznhyphenhyphenzblEm4aKCFQHjZJmZlvk3p3lFblwc2wlFNl6dUj-XR77kTOnh0SnF2Ay-avHxzaCWjVu9QHx_TRfqbFETW1VSIiG079f7-b2o-zUtshudchP6MmX1I_VGyGHsV2ATL9E1/s1600/048.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbv9IznhyphenhyphenzblEm4aKCFQHjZJmZlvk3p3lFblwc2wlFNl6dUj-XR77kTOnh0SnF2Ay-avHxzaCWjVu9QHx_TRfqbFETW1VSIiG079f7-b2o-zUtshudchP6MmX1I_VGyGHsV2ATL9E1/s320/048.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We stand by each day and smile and laugh at our sweet son and the awesomeness that is our life. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinPVl_Mg4s3JrGuNqa-mlXBan0rpm8BVo9XkwRZK1w55P06dvRGcHQDFXRupIgBYrerIrJqCvzWY_bJj8j_rOWxNd00nQmyV0CVee6e_9nIEwVY2t3-d_jqNt9C8tafsrFygS0UzNJ/s1600/ellersley+003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinPVl_Mg4s3JrGuNqa-mlXBan0rpm8BVo9XkwRZK1w55P06dvRGcHQDFXRupIgBYrerIrJqCvzWY_bJj8j_rOWxNd00nQmyV0CVee6e_9nIEwVY2t3-d_jqNt9C8tafsrFygS0UzNJ/s320/ellersley+003.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">There is beauty here. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I hear this song often but I didn't really take in the words until recently. It gives me goosebumps and makes me cry every time I hear it now. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/9ylnx0NA9X4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We have a serious story to tell and we have a serious wound that, on some days, still needs some serious healing. I remember wanting to believe that there would be beauty here. I remember the nights crying and telling God that I knew there would be meaning here but it was so difficult for us to see. I remember this ache. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today, I want you all to know that there is beauty here and there is beauty in whatever the situation is for you. Jesus is watching and He is hoping that soon you will see the beauty and the meaning behind the ache that you have. I will be praying for you all today...there is beauty there and I will pray that today you will see it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Our Ellersley Grace, </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">If you were here you would be two years old today. We would be making gluten-free pancakes and singing Happy Birthday to you over and over again today. We would be having a party tonight with our family and you would be the center of all the attention. You would be in a sparkly hot pink tutu and big bows in your pretty strawberry blonde hair. You would be beautiful. Today, we miss you so very much Elle. We love you and we are so very grateful for your big life. We cannot even begin to count all the good that you brought with you and two years later we are so very full of joy over that. We will celebrate you today with your baby brother. We will take him to your stone and we will leave a balloon for you and tonight we will send you two balloons and your princess lantern. We will read the story of you to him and tell him all about how stinkin' gorgeous and special you are, just like him. We wish you were here to celebrate with us but we know that this plan is the best plan. We are so overjoyed at the beauty that you brought and the beauty that Jesus has given in place of the ashes. We love you our sweet girl and Daddy and I are so happy that we are 2 years closer to seeing your beautiful face again... We love you to the moon and back always and forever...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Mama and Daddy</span></span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-12820157532260321562013-08-06T23:51:00.001-04:002013-08-06T23:51:20.467-04:00My life flashed before my eyes...<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today a life flashed before my eyes. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Visions of a dark-haired little 5 year old with his back pack on waiting for the bus. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Visions of big 3 year old squeezes. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Visions of he and daddy playing baseball together in our yard. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Visions of him running to us for huge hugs after his first t-ball game. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Visions of him growing up in church and worshiping Jesus with all his heart. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Snapshots of moments that have not ever happened flashing so quickly through my mind. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today something happened that has not happened in Isaiah's 8.5 months of life. He stopped breathing and 911 was called. We are still not sure what exactly happened, we thought he was choking but now we aren't sure if it was maybe some type of seizure. He was turning red and not moving; eyes wide and his body complete dead weight in my arms. His lips eventually started turning purple and he was not responding to our cries and pleas. I was beating his back to try to get him to spit up whatever it was that he was choking on but nothing was coming up. After 45 seconds which seemed like 45 days he started making noises and moving his eyes and coughing and a tiny cry escaped. He came to and stared at us like he had no idea what had just happened but that we should definitely calm down! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />Once he came to he was very pale and almost blue around his lips but eventually with time that went away and his normal color returned. The paramedics checked him out and said he seemed fine with perfectly clear lungs. He had no other issues and they let us decide if a hospital visit was necessary which we very gingerly decided it was not needed. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">When you have a past that is riddled with death and fear and anxiety these moments are exceedingly above and beyond description. We panicked to say the least and it was not pretty. Our son was not breathing. The weight of him in my arms, not moving, was a bit too much to handle. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">People tell their near death experiences and they always say that their life flashed before their eyes. All that they have experienced in life came flooding back in tiny pictures and snapshots like a movie reel that was out of control and could not be stopped. When you have a baby that dies these snapshots are a bit different. When Wesley handed me our daughter that was not breathing in that hospital room my mind did not flash back to the time we had with her, it flashed forward to all of the time that we would not have with her. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />It flashed to our first Christmas with a baby girl with a beautiful dress and a huge headband and bow. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It flashed to Disney Princess dresses all over our house. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It flashed to her first Daddy/daughter date night. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />It flashed to painted tiny toe nails and tiny fingers. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It flashed to sweet sixteen. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It flashed to her wedding day. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today, when Isaiah stopped breathing all I could see was all the moments that we have been dreaming of for oh so long. I could not even see the past 8.5 months; I could only see those dreams that were way too close to being shattered. Everyone around after Isaiah's incident today kept asking if he was our first baby. I love and hate that question all in one. I wish they knew that he wasn't our first baby because there was an almost 2 year old running around our feet. We said, "No, he is not our first baby...our first daughter passed away at birth...so this was a rather scary event." </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We are in Orlando. We are with a group of our students who are here competing in a Fine Arts competition. This has been an incredible trip; one full of joy and laughter and wonderful relationship building. We are so very blessed. Today, after Isaiah's incident we went into a room and sat and watched some dramas. One of them used this song and I almost broke down into a billion tears right there in front of a room full of people. Jesus is always watching and He is always listening...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>There's a peace I've come to know <br />
Though my heart and flesh may fail <br />
There's an anchor for my soul <br />
I can say "It is well" </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>He is my peace</b> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>And I will rise when He calls my name <br />
No more sorrow, no more pain <br />
I will rise on eagles' wings <br />
Before my God fall on my knees <br />
And rise <br />
I will rise </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>He is my strength </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>There's a day that's drawing near <br />
When this darkness breaks to light <br />
And the shadows disappear <br />
And my faith shall be my eyes </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>The shadows will disappear</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Jesus has overcome <br />
And the grave is overwhelmed <br />
The victory is won <br />
He is risen from the dead </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>He has OVERCOME </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I will rise. . . I will rise above the darkness, above the pain, above the ache, above the fear, above the worry, above the sorrow, above the shadows...We will rise. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jesus, thank you from the depths of our hearts for being in the middle of every situation that we find ourselves in. I wasn't really thinking we needed one but thank you for the reminder today of just how much we love Isaiah. Thank you for the intense gift you have given us in him. Thank you for the precious life that he is and the joy that he brings to our family every single second of every single day. Jesus, we would deeply appreciate it if that NEVER happened again. It just felt a little too close for comfort if you get our drift. Thank you for being there today and here right now. Calm us and help us to take the peace and the strength and the joy that you so freely offer with each new morning. Thank you for protecting our Bubby, we know that you only have the best plan for his sweet, big life. P.s. We sorta love him a lot so if he could stay around for well, a lifetime (meaning a whole bunch of years) that would be awesome... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Elle and Saiah Sammy's mama and daddy</span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-18465529321833526702013-07-22T20:43:00.005-04:002013-07-22T20:47:15.999-04:00Some Adoption Love <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So...here I am again because I NEED to share this video with you!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have friends. Awesome, right? Jason and Naomi are friends that I have not ever met. Their hearts are huge, so huge that I know they are legit just from words on a blog that pop off the page and from amazing Instagram love. P.S. I LOVE INSTAGRAM!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Ok...so anyway...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Naomi and Jason are looking to adopt a newborn and they are searching for that precious birth mother that Jesus has just for their family. I want to share their adoption video and I want you to please share it with anyone and everyone you know. We want their birth mama to find them and quick! The wait of adoption is so very difficult when the desire is so very great! Their story is heartbreaking and miraculous all in the same...Jesus kind of works that way! Anyway, love you guys and hope you feel the pull to share this couple and their amazing love for babies from another mama...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/69781857" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe></span></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://vimeo.com/69781857">Jason & Naomi</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/jammedia">J.A.M. Media</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Please also visit Naomi's blog -<b> <span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="http://www.ababysentfromthestars.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">A Baby Sent From The Stars</a></span></b><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Much love, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Elle and Isaiah's mama :) </span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-83434555402124800912013-07-21T21:58:00.001-04:002013-07-21T22:00:40.714-04:00The Ache of Time<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I have no idea what to write tonight...but I feel it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It's in there, somewhere deep; that nagging ache. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It's been there for a while but most days it gets pushed back further and further into the corner. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">There are more important things these days...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Baby boy is growing up quickly. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">He is now 8 months and with each passing day I am becoming more and more aware that someday soon he won't be 8 months anymore. This time...it just moves so very quickly. People try to warn you to cherish each moment and bask in the glory of each day because with a whisper and a blink they will be gone. 8 months. We have had 8 months with him and it feels like a day...it was just yesterday that we were there wasn't it? Just yesterday he was so tiny and frail and fit so perfectly on my chest, right? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tonight, I am nervous. Maybe not. I am something; like I said; that ache is there. It comes and I never know it's purpose...it just sits until I finally figure it out. Eight months have already passed and time will only keep moving forward, there is no going back. No rewind. Isaiah will never be 6 months again, he won't ever be 1 month again. Did I cherish it? Did I take enough pictures? Did I capture every moment? Did I teach him the things I needed to? Will I look back and remember with joy or sorrow at the moments lost? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Will we get to do this again? I think that's the ache... Will we ever get to parent a 6 month old or a 1 month old again? Will Jesus allow the joy of those moments again? I am nervous. It is July and we all know what that means, haha. I say that with a laugh, which is a miracle, by the way. I want you to pity me and notice that, haha. :) August is coming soon. The beauty and the great sorrow of August; awesome and stupid month. I love it and hate it all in one. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I am just remembering all that time spent with Elle and wondering if we will ever have the pregnancy/birth experience again and if this time it will end in a nicer way than it did the first time. I guess tonight I am missing normalcy. The normal thoughts of a fabulous pregnancy where babies don't die at the end. That will never be ours and tonight that's just annoying. I'm annoying myself right now...you should probably stop reading. It's only going to get worse from here... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I miss her. I feel weird writing that. I love this space but I feel like a stranger here now, sometimes. I feel like some think I'm not doing this thing called life after death right and that's annoying. I feel like the second year has been sooooooo very different than the first year. I feel like I'm not sure how I feel about that. I feel far away from her sometimes but then so very close. I feel different but the same. I feel that I have no time to sort through all of these emotions and perhaps that is for the best. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I guess tonight all I want you to know is that I miss her and I am going to be ok with it and you better be too. I also want you to know something that I'm sure you have heard many times but, time does not stop for the moments you want it to. I wanted it to stop when they placed her in my arms and never ever to move but it did. I wanted it to stop when I kissed her that last time but it did not. I wanted it to stop the day we placed her sweet self in the ground but it just did not listen. And now, I want it to stop every day. Every time he smiles. Every time he snorts with excitement. Every night at bed time when he nuzzles his little nose into my face and we let him fall asleep in our bed before we put him in his. I just want time to stop. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jesus, take this time and make it yours. Help me to enjoy and cherish every single second that you have given to me. Take away the nervousness and place peace in it's place. You hold the perfect plan. I know that to be true. You have proven yourself over and over. I love you.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">In sincere honesty,</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Elle and Bubby's mommy </span></span><br />
<br />Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-54655560409295283832013-05-30T05:50:00.001-04:002013-05-30T05:50:39.348-04:00Today...<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today is going to be a great day. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I will watch my baby sister bring a baby into this world. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The emotions are running high and they have been for a few weeks now. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I am in full on panic mode. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Yeah, you thought it was her emotions I was speaking of...hahaha. Ugh, for the 10 billionth time stated on this blog...I HATE EMOTIONS! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I remember that call...the day they told us that she had life inside and life as we know it would never be the same again. They Facetimed our family from Missouri and they were so nervous and hem hawing around the real reason for that phone call. They finally got to it and we all screamed and said NO WAY and laughed and then I just sobbed and she did as well. She said I'm sorry, Are you ok? I laughed in the middle of my sobs and I said OF COURSE I AM! I told her how I was so happy and the tears were because she was so far away and I wouldn't get to watch every detail of her pregnancy like she watched mine. That was half true. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I was soooo happy and I am still soooo happy. I would be lying if I said there were not other thoughts and other feelings and other emotions there. It was just another lesson in God's timing, His planning and His amazing journey for each and every individual. It took me a few weeks but eventually those DUMB emotions went away and all that was there was joy over my new sweet niece or nephew, baby blueberry. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Eventually, they moved home and we all praised God! I was so happy that I did get to finally watch every moment of her pregnancy just like she watched mine. I got to question what she was eating and what she was feeling and I got to touch that sweet belly and tell that baby how much I loved him or her. We found out in January that it was a boy and oh, we were sooo happy! Isaiah would have a great playmate in a baby boy that was just 6.5 months behind him. :) We could not be more blessed! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Then came the final weeks of her pregnancy and my intense panic. Yesterday it was at it's peak, I am a hot mess. I am remembering. I am remembering the room, I am remembering the quietness, I am remembering the wailing, I am remembering. I am not into it. Rachel, Rob and Liam have had doctor visits every week the past 4 weeks. I am a mess every single time until I get the text that his heart is beating and all is ok. I have visions of heartbeats not being heard and of sobs of sadness, visions of not calling me or texting me but driving to me to tell me that another baby has died, visions of leaving the hospital without a baby. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Yesterday I told my husband that I pray and I ask Jesus to take it and leave it far away from me but He really just doesn't. It gets a little better for a time but the nauseous puky feeling is continually there until I hear he's ok. I think it always will be. I am not writing this to be a self-pity party...I feel that is what is coming across! Ugh...I am writing this today so that all my baby loss mamas will stand with me and pray. Pray on behalf of all of your babies for this sweet baby boy. He is healthy and his mama is healthy but we know all too well that birth sometimes ends in tragedy. Our family knows tragedy. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">My sister is so very strong. She's a fighter to the end, always has been. She is going to labor wonderfully and I cannot wait to watch her bring Liam into this world, what an incredible privilege! I am pumped, to say the least! I am hoping that my panic doesn't get the best of me and I'm not puking in the corner of the room or something; also pray that doesn't happen. :) I am so very proud of her. I am so very loved. She has been a WONDROUS pregnant mama. She doesn't complain, she loves him, she treats her body well, she was sensitive to any and all emotions that have come and gone. She's the best sister a girl could ask for. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today will be a great day...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jesus, you know the prayer. You've heard it a LOT of times over the past 9 months. Protect him. Protect her. We know that your plan is the best plan... Thank you for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy Liam. Thank you Lord, it is not a privilege that all have. Give her peace and strength, calm her nerves. She can do this today because she has you and she has Rob and she has Liam. Help us to be her strength, to encourage her and to be the calm if a storm arises. Help me Lord. Keep the thoughts at bay...you take captive every thought. Thank you for my pregnancy and all of it's memories. Thank you for Elle, thank you. Thank you for joy...never-ending, ever-present joy. You are so amazing and Jesus, thank you for a beating heart and screaming lungs, we will be listening for both today...</span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-11971393553385644782013-05-18T08:02:00.001-04:002013-05-18T08:38:36.958-04:00Six months of L O V E <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It has been six months. . . </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT IT HAS BEEN SIX MONTHS?!?!?!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I haven't posted pictures up here of you in a long while so I thought I would share those with all of our readers. You are so darn cute and so darn worth sharing. . .</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">You are now officially Isaiah Samuel, made official by the state of Florida and the state of Ohio on April 16th, 2013. I did not think that day would mean very much to me. In my heart and mind you were already mine, nothing was going to make that go away. But, that day meant very much to me. It came and with it came all kinds of nervousness and all kinds of emotions. It came with sadness and joy, it came with thoughts of Kaci (your birth mom) and Aldo (your birth father), it came with thoughts of responsibility and fear of the unknown. It came with all kinds of emotions that I thought had all been sorted out. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">You are now ours. You slobber all over. You sleep in our bed sometimes. You smile more often than not. You giggle. You look for us. You cry for us. You babble. You sleep so well anywhere, just like your mama. You watch cartoons with daddy. You stick your tongue out. You will start real food today. You play in your exersaucer. You brings toys to your mouth. You are a master roller. You love to be tickled. You are curious. You love everyone. You have the deepest brown eyes. You have a mohawk that is awesome. You love your <span style="font-size: x-small;">U</span>ncle <span style="font-size: x-small;">D</span>anny, he gets some pretty awesome giggles. You splash during bath time. You give the best snuggles. You love it when we sing you to sleep. You are loved deeply. You are our Isaiah Sammy. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We can't believe it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We thank God for you each and every single day. We beg him to teach us and show us every single step to take. We need to know what to do. We have NO idea what we are doing. We are loving you the way he loves us and that's all we know to do. We trust that the journey God has for you is a mighty one; one with many trials and many bumps but also many joys and many triumphs. We love you Isaiah Sammy from beginning to end, from top to bottom, from inside to outside...to the moon and all the way back a million times over! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Mama and Daddy</span></span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-29907745780672900142013-05-07T11:19:00.001-04:002013-05-07T11:20:03.488-04:00If you have a Wahhmbulance...send it immediately <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's been a rough several days.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Sometimes life throws a serious curve ball and this wasn't a your-baby-is-dead curve ball but it was an annoying one none the less. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am questioning every single part of my life. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am questioning myself as a wife, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">as a mother, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">as a leader, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">as a Godly woman, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">as a daughter, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">as a sister, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">as a person in general. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have not ever really been an insecure person but, boy oh boy whatever has been hiding in there for 30 years decided to pop up it's UGLY head this weekend. I have no idea how to get rid of it which is ridiculous since the past 5 years of my life have been full of scripture that battles this crap. I hate funks. I hate them and I am stuck in one. Not only am I questioning everything but Mother's Day is coming up. That special ache for a sweet, tiny baby girl has reared it's head. I am not a fan of the ache. I'm a fan of that baby girl, not a fan of the ache. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I went to a Mother's Day Banquet this past Sunday and I must be honest and tell you it was torture, just as it was last year. It has been torture for a few years now, actually. I go each year and I try to focus on my Mom and on my Mother-in-law but the thoughts always go back to sadness. This year I was in my funk so that was playing a part also. I should have been uber happy this year right? Doesn't that only make sense? I have a sweet baby boy now and I am his mama and he is my son. I should cry at the sappy videos and laugh at the funny ones about being so tired you just want to fall on the floor at the grocery store and sleep. I should be covered in joy every single second of every day, right? I have no idea if the answer to that is yes or not but I can tell you that the answer is no for me. There is joy and it is there most of the time but Mother/Daughter banquets is not one of those times. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I found this in my journal today...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">11/25/12 </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">You have rocked our world. You sent us a son and a birth mother. We are speechless; speechless is the only description we could possibly have. Our gratitude is deep; thank you seems so trivial. You gave us the desire of our heart; a teeny, tiny, sweet baby to LOVE! You stood back and watched it all pan out, didn't you? I know that you did because that is just like you; to watch and smile as all the JOY unfolds. Since Elle you knew what these days would hold. Since her; her tinyness, her sweet smell, her tiny head, her gorgeous hair, her perfect quietness. You knew...you were smiling then because you knew Isaiah would be coming soon. You see the whole picture...the entire picture. Praise you and only you; you will ALWAYS get all the GLORY! His story is amazing and will always be told...no greater love, no other name...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Jesus knew...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And he knows that today and yesterday and several days before that were just not good days. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He sees the whole picture and he knows where we will be in the end, he is not too concerned about this middle mess. Today, I am grateful for a God that is always near even when I don't feel like he is. I am grateful for a church that prays for our family. I am grateful for a husband that loves me unconditionally. I am grateful for a son that brings more joy than we ever thought was possible. I am grateful for a family that understands. I am grateful. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Thank you Jesus for listening today...you are always near even when my mind tells me differently. Stand beside me this week as I walk this journey you have placed before me. Thank you for the journey. Thank you for Elle, thank you for Isaiah. The blessings you have poured on me have never been deserved and could never be repaid. I love you and I will spend the rest of my days living that statement out. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Nicki </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">***One request- if you leave a comment please do not say sorry- this was for my own benefit, not to get pity from others...I love your comments and would love to hear whatever you have to say, just not sorry :) </span></span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-29044451978915564572013-04-23T23:09:00.001-04:002013-04-23T23:09:28.868-04:00So...it's been a while <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Well...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I am not so sure how to start...it's been so long I (a little bit) forget how this works. I guess I should say sorry...but then maybe not. I don't think I am sorry, well...not to you. I am sorry to Jesus. See, it's been almost 3 months since I've written here and if I'm being transparent (which is what this is all about) I'd have to say it's been almost 3 months since I've really had my life and mind on track. Once the writing and journaling goes down the tubes, it all quickly follows. My attitude, my control, my selfishness...all of it. It's a downward spiral of ugly nastiness. So, here I am, in all my glory. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I have yet to figure out what the issue is, well...I guess I figured that out...it's the writing and the journaling. So, yay for being back and yay for the downward spiral turning into an upward one. If you are thinking this makes no sense, we are in the same boat. The past 3 months haven't made any sense to me. I have one million thoughts/worries/stupidity floating around in my head and I feel as though I have nowhere to place them. Like there are a billion jars in front of me and all my thoughts/worries/stupidity fits into a different jar and I can't figure out which thought/worry/stupidity goes into which jar. Weird...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Something happened though and it made me realize that God still loves me and still wants me to write on this blog. He knows that there are a million thoughts/worries/stupidity in my head and he knows that there are more jars than there are thoughts. On Sunday night I got an email from a woman named Ruthie at <b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="http://www.birthwithoutfearblog.com/" target="_blank">Birth Without Fear</a></span></b>.<b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="http://www.birthwithoutfearblog.com/" target="_blank"> Birth Without Fear</a></span></b> is an A M A Z I N G resource for women who are going through a pregnancy. They discuss all kinds of births and give all kinds of wonderful information and they empower women to birth the way they want to birth. I find them A W E S O M E and so should you. I found <b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="http://www.birthwithoutfearblog.com/" target="_blank">Birth Without Fear</a></span></b> after I had our sweet Ellersley and one day they asked for c-section mamas and I was so happy. They wanted to see the scars from which beautiful babies came. I was elated and so excited to send my picture and to tell the story of our Ellersley. My husband took the picture and I sent it in with a very shortened version of our story. That was a year and 3 months ago. I thought about it for about a month after and I was sad when I realized that they apparently just didn't want to use our story. Oh well, I moved on and never thought twice about it. Well, God did not forget. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">He was saving that picture and the shortened version for yesterday because he knew that I would be almost 3 months deep wandering in a desert. He always knows what I need. I got the email and I smiled and was thinking how cool that would be. Weird to have my belly splashed on Facebook but I remembered how I felt when I sent that in just 6 months fresh in my grief and I smiled at God. Well, on Monday night <b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=561346477243244&set=pb.108616812516215.-2207520000.1366772732.&type=3&theater" target="_blank">Birth Without Fear</a></span></b> posted my belly and our story and as of right now there are 803 likes on it and 63 comments including my own. GOD IS CRAZY! After a year and 3 months he had them choose to feature c-section mamas and they chose us to be one of their mamas. It may seem stupid to you but yesterday it was perfect for me. I was starting to realize the error of my ways; my grouchiness, my anger, my selfishness, my ugly... My husband was gracious and kind enough to help me figure it out and pray with me that God would show me something. He answers prayer. He spoke loud and clear through <b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=561346477243244&set=pb.108616812516215.-2207520000.1366772732.&type=3&theater" target="_blank">Birth Without Fear</a></span></b>. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Nicki...where are you? Why did you leave? We had such a great thing going and I love you oh so much. I want to use you...I have a big plan for you and you are really trying your hardest to mess it up but I just can't let that happen. :) There are so many more people who have not heard. There are so many who don't know about the hope that I offer and the joy that can come in the midst of so much sadness. There are people who don't know...and I have chosen you to tell them. Don't stop now, don't give up. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">So, here I am. I have no idea what comes next but I will follow and I will listen. I need some peace and I need some Jesus joy because the grouchies are just not fun. I am so grateful for a God who does not allow me to stay the way my flesh wants to stay. I am so thankful for a husband who loves me enough to not allow me to sit in ugliness. I am so grateful for a son who fills our life with joy every single day! Thank you for reading and check out <b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/birthwithoutfear" target="_blank">Birth Without Fear on </a></span></b><b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/birthwithoutfear" target="_blank">Facebook</a></span></b> and on their <b><span style="color: #e06666;"><a href="http://www.birthwithoutfearblog.com/" target="_blank">blog @ www.birthwithoutfearblog.com</a></span></b>...I am a bit embarrassed that you all may see my belly but whatever. It's mine and it's beautiful because our Elle lived there and I will never think otherwise! Thank you for reading and sticking by me even when I don't come around for months at a time...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Love, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Elle and Isaiah's mommy :)</span></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-81423365626784343632013-02-09T22:56:00.000-05:002013-02-09T22:56:03.488-05:00It isn't all about me <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Shocking, I know. You thought it was all about me, didn't you? :) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We went to a memorial service today. Sweet baby Josiah Owen was laid to rest beside his big brother. It was beautiful; sad and heartbreaking and confusion-inducing but it was beautiful. Jesus was there; comforting and spreading his peace upon each head. The Marx family was heart broken over the loss of another son but the Lord was covering them with joy and peace just as we all have asked Him to do. It was beautiful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em><strong>1 Samuel 1:27-28</strong> <sup> </sup>I prayed<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-7240AQ" title="See cross-reference AQ">AQ</a>)"></sup> for this child, and the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has granted me what I asked of him.<span class="text 1Sam-1-28" id="en-NIV-7241"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>So now I give him to the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>. For his whole life<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-7241AR" title="See cross-reference AR">AR</a>)"></sup> he will be given over to the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I had the privilege, again, of meeting some wonderful women and I am so overjoyed that Jesus has linked us all in this way. There is nothing like the love I have for families of loss. There is just a silent understanding. If there is one thing this life and this journey have taught Wesley and I it is this: it is not all about us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The second that Elle passed away a surge of compassion rushed into our hearts. An ache so deep that even a year and a half later it is still there. I have no idea if our Jesus will do something more with it some day but for now it just sits and calls to us when other families are hurting. It is not all about us; it is about them. It is about Cat and Derek and their family. It is about the ache they are feeling tonight. It is about the love and the joy we can share with them. It is about showing compassion in their desperate time of need.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em><strong>Isaiah 43:2</strong> When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Today was not easy for Wesley and I. We walked into another service just like the service for our daughter. We looked at the tiny box that held that sweet baby boy. We watched his mama and his daddy cry tears of sadness over the dreams that would be buried. We watched as they watched his box be carried out of that room, never to be seen again. This day brought back all of the emotions of that day. But, today was not about us. It was about them. It was about crying tears for them and being there to show them that it's not all about us. It was about showing the love of our Savior. It was about reminding them of the faithfulness of our God. It was about them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Tonight I just feel so blessed to have grown up in a home where it wasn't all about me. My parents were gracious enough to teach us all how to have compassion for others. They made sure that self-pity did not last long and they taught us that it could be turned into compassion for others. I am grateful for such a wonderful mama and daddy. I don't talk about them very much here but just know they are awesome and deserve way more praise than I give them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em><strong>Isaiah 49:16</strong> </em></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-49-16">Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.</span></span></em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am hesitant to post this here but I received a rather un-compassionate comment here about a week ago. Anonymous decided that they needed to let me know their feelings, which this is a public blog and they are free to comment how they please. I was not fond of this comment and it just made me more aware of my compassion towards others. I thanked the Lord for the reminder and silently yelled at anonymous in my mind. :) Be careful because one day you may be the one needing just a little bit of compassion. I hope that you are showing some mercy and compassion to those in your corner of this world that need it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Jesus, thank you for the gift of compassion. Thank you for giving me just enough today to love a family that needed it. I pray that you will continue to move me to compassion for others who are aching. I pray for the Marx family tonight...be near Jesus, be oh so near. Thank you for giving Catherine peace and joy. Thank you that this experience was so completely different from Owen's. Thank you that you are the giver of comfort and strength and all things great. I love you and continue to pour your mercy out on Catherine, Derek, Brayden and Addison...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"><em><strong>Job 1:21</strong> The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.</em> </span></div>
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<a href="http://www.owenpaulmarx.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><strong>In The Flood</strong></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> and </span><a href="http://www.alittlebirdie.org/marx" target="_blank"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><strong>A Little Birdie</strong></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em><strong>Isaiah 61:3</strong> To all who mourn in Israel, He<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-61-3"> will give a crown of beauty for ashes, </span></span><span class="text Isa-61-3">a joyous blessing instead of mourning, </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-61-3">festive praise instead of despair. </span></span><span class="text Isa-61-3">In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-61-3">that the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has planted for his own glory.</span></span></em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Elle and Isaiah's Mommy</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-78633976685127046652013-02-05T11:36:00.000-05:002013-02-05T16:40:07.359-05:00Lightening Does Strike Twice <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have a friend...a very special friend. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Her name is Catherine. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">She has 4 precious babies.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Brayden is 6. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Addison is 4. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Owen is in heaven. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And now so is Josiah. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">God puts people in our path and I will believe that until the day that I die. Our Elle passed away August 13th, 2011. We spent almost every day at the cemetery for the rest of that month, just waiting to see if anything would ever change with the spot that we picked out for our little girl. Almost every day something changed. The dirt was different or grass seeds were planted or the cement was poured. One day my sister in law texted me. Oh, no. It had happened again. Another baby. We were so hoping and praying that Elle's spot would be the LAST spot in that cemetery for a baby but alas, life moves on and sucks not only for us but for so many others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We had no idea who that baby was and we tried and tried to find out. We looked in the paper and we called the funeral home that we used, to see if they knew the family. We were told that they couldn't give out that information. We figured if God wanted us to meet we would. We took flowers to that sweet baby and we prayed for his or her family every time we went to visit Elle's spot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">October came and our original due date arrived. That day Wesley and I left a letter for Elle and the envelope read Ellersley Grace Deem on the outside. We stood and blew kisses to our little lady never knowing that letter would lead us Catherine. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">A few days after that we received this comment on one of our blog posts...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>Nicki,</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>You don't know me, but our babies are side by side over at Union. I
was there today visiting our son, Owen and I saw the letter to Ellersley with
her name on it. I had a feeling we had lost our babies very close together so I
was hoping to find something out about her and was blessed to have found your
blog. Our son, Owen, was born into glory on August 30. My heart aches every day
for him as I know yours does for your sweet girl. I just wanted to say hi, to
say how sorry I am for your loss and to let you know that I will be praying for
you... maybe sometime we will run into each other visiting our babies. </em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>I
started a blog as well if you would like to read about Owen...
www.owenpaulmarx.blogspot.com</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>In Him,</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>Catherine</em> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We were blown away by the mystery of God. We were elated that she contacted us and we prayed fervently for her and her family. We prayed that God would allow us to meet soon and we thanked him for people in this world who completely understand the process of grieving a baby. Every time we went to the cemetery after that day we said hello to baby Owen. We grieved for his family and we prayed that God would hold them as they danced this dance of grief and joy just a few steps behind us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Months went by and we did not cross paths. Every time we went to the cemetery we always thought maybe they would come and we would finally see this family we had been praying for but it never happened. Eventually, we found each other on facebook and became "friends". Then Catherine announced that she was pregnant. I was elated! I praised God and the fervent praying began again. I pleaded with him to allow this baby to come into this world safely and healthy. I cried and cried and prayed and prayed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Then, came Trisomy 18. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Their baby was another boy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">His name would be Josiah Owen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He was due on February 11th. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He was diagnosed with Trisomy 18.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The doctors said he would not live outside of the womb long, if he lived at all. How could this be? How is it possible that devastating, life-shattering, dream-ruining news can happen to one family two times...in a row? I had no idea what to do or what to say. I spent the next 4 months praying and pleading and crying and writing and messaging. I told Catherine that Wesley and I were pleading and screaming at God on their behalf. I told Him how ridiculous I thought this was and there is no way possible that He would allow this to happen to this poor family again. I told Him how it was nearly impossible to live through one death of a child let alone two. How could He? How? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">One week and 2 days ago I met Catherine Marx at the baby shower for our son. She was 38 weeks pregnant with her handsome little Josiah Owen. She walked in and I must tell you the room stopped for a moment. There are just people in life that you were meant to know and Catherine is one of them. She was glowing and smiling from ear to ear and you could see the love for that baby boy all over her face. We had not even met, yet it felt like we had known each other our entire lives. Grief brings people together. We hugged and she sat right beside me until it was present opening time. We talked and laughed and I was so grateful that she came. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">At the end of our shower I had the privilege and honor of praying over her and her Josiah. I prayed that God would fill Catherine and her family with joy over Josiah no matter what the plan was. I prayed that he would cover them with peace and comfort and strength for whatever the journey would hold. I prayed for the miraculous. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Josiah Owen came into this world at 5:01pm on Sunday, February 3rd, 2013. And let me tell you the miraculous happened. The doctors said that Josiah took one breath and then made his way to heaven but after a few minutes they came back and Josiah was still breathing. Catherine and her family begged and pleaded with God to have some time with Josiah...be it only a few minutes or a few hours they wanted time with him. That is exactly what God gave them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Josiah flew to Jesus at 5:59pm; 58 minutes after he entered this world. His mama and his daddy and his big brother and his big sister got to spend 58 minutes with him; taking pictures and telling him just how much they loved him for the 39 weeks he was here. I have no words concerning the mysteries of my God. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have no idea why lightening struck twice, but it surely did. At this point, I need you to pray. Pray for this family, pray for this home, pray for these babies, pray for this mama and daddy. Pray that God would COVER them in peace and joy, pray that the journey of grief would be full of God's mercy. Pray that they would feel the love and joy of God through friends and family. Pray that Josiah's sweet spirit would always be felt and pray that God's plan for Josiah's life would be made EVIDENT to his mama and daddy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Jesus, you know how ridiculous I think this is. I love you, but it's just ridiculous. Ridiculous that a family has to endure such pain again because this world is just disgustingly evil. Ridiculous that they must try to balance grief again. Ridiculous that they have to search for peace again. Ridiculous. Your plan is the best plan, I know it and I believe it. I pray that you will remind Cat and Derek of your faithfulness; you will remind them of all you did in the midst of Owen's death and that Josiah's death will be no different. Remind them Lord, remind them. Remind me. Cover this family Jesus...cover them...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Elle's Mommy </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Please visit Catherine's blog here: </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.owenpaulmarx.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In The Flood</span></strong></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Also, their close friends have set up a website for friends and family to give to this family if you feel led. Please consider giving...link is below. Thank you </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.alittlebirdie.org/marx" target="_blank"><strong><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Josiah Owen Marx</span></strong></a>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-63014408005610596812013-01-26T16:23:00.001-05:002013-01-26T16:24:51.941-05:00Our Sweet Girl<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Ellersley, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">There is a sadness looming today. I hate it, just like I always do. I miss you. I miss you so much there are tears and there haven't been tears in a very long time. I live life every day and you pop in my mind at some point but it is always with gladness. I always smile when I look up at the sky; I think of you and all your princessness. I think of how you are running and playing and enjoying heaven with all of your friends and with Jesus. But today... oh, today. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Perhaps, it is because this is the time of year you started hanging around. Perhaps, it is because tomorrow we will have a party and celebrate your brother. Perhaps, it's because I was cleaning your room today. Perhaps, it is just because I'm about to start my period. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... Whatever it is, it's here and well...I must admit that I wish it would just leave. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I don't have time for grief today. I am getting ready for a celebration tomorrow. A celebration of Epic proportions. A celebration that I have been waiting to have for a long, long time. A celebration that many people have been waiting for. A celebration of life. A celebration of love. A celebration of our blessing. A celebration of Jesus. Maybe my heart is so heavy because there is one thing this celebration is not; it is not a celebration of you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I longed to celebrate you and the amazing blessing that you were. We prepared and we bought all the decorations and we planned out how it would go. We had the prettiest pink picked out and princess wands and pink ribbon everywhere... The invitations were sent and some of the gifts had been bought. Everyone was ready to celebrate at Miss Elle's Party; celebrate the journey it took to get to you, celebrate the life you were, celebrate the blessing we had been given, celebrate all your princessness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You came two weeks before that day and oh the sadness when August 28th came. We visited your spot at the cemetery that day and the tears flowed for the celebration that was not happening. Elle, I just want you to know that even though we did not celebrate at that party we have tried to celebrate your life every day since August 13th, 2011. Tomorrow we will celebrate the life of your baby brother. We will celebrate like no celebration ever. We will revel in the joy and the blessing that God has given. We will revel in the miracle that he is and the miraculous things God keeps doing for us and for him every single day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We will remember that sweet girl that brought us straight to his NICU door. You may not be here to celebrate with us but you will always be a part of his story. You will be a huge part and he will always know that. You and Jesus led us to him. I love you, sweet girl. Today, there is sadness but tomorrow there will only be room for joy. Tomorrow I will look up at the sky again and there you will be; dancing away, running and laughing, calling to Daddy and Bubby and I to come join you. We can't wait for that day...cannot wait. My heart beats the greatest love for you Ellersley and your Daddy and I will die someday celebrating the life, joy and change you brought to so many people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We love you big girl to the moon and back again... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Mommy and Daddy</span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-36891101414857547102013-01-14T11:48:00.000-05:002013-01-14T14:58:31.625-05:00January 14th, 2013<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Today is the day that you were supposed to make an appearance in this world. We cannot believe that you came so early but we are so very happy that you did, you have impeccable timing my son. You were born on November 18th, 2012; almost 2 months to the day before this world intended for you to arrive. Thirty-one weeks was enough time for you to spend in your birth mama's womb. You came out via c-section at 1:07 am on a Sunday morning and you were a strong and healthy baby boy. You were all of 3lbs 10oz and 16.5 inches long and you were a passive yet fighting machine! You were on the 2nd floor NICU at St. Joseph's Women's Center for only 3 days and then you were moved to the big boy NICU on the 3rd floor with no breathing assistance at all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Every nurse loved you. They always smiled at you and talked to you; they told us how sweet and laid back you were. One day when Daddy and I were walking into the NICU the nurse at the lobby desk told us that all the other nurses were talking about you and telling her that she had to come back and see you because you were so cute and handsome. She agreed that you were the most handsome baby boy on the floor! :) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Your stay in the NICU lasted a month and 1 day and we are so grateful for every single second of it. Daddy and I stayed at the Ronald McDonald House in Tampa and we were blessed to be able to come visit you each and every day. We usually came in the morning and left for lunch and then came back in the afternoon and evening. We loved spending time with you, we snuggled and fed you and tried not to rock you in the rocking chair. You were so little that the nurses said rocking was too much stimulation for your little body to handle, it was nearly impossible to do! Daddy loved watching Iron Chef with you and reading you bedtime stories. I loved our skin to skin time and taking thousands of pictures of your cute little face.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Once you started taking a bottle Daddy was the best at burping you. He was the only one that could get those burps to come up, he was kind of proud of that. Crying was a rare occasion; you cried every once in a while when you were getting your diaper changed and you screamed the entire time we gave you your first bath but that was pretty much it. You were more interested in what was going on around you. You slept a lot but when you were awake you were very awake! You had your eyes wide open and looked all around. You studied our faces like you remembered us from a distant dream. Your smiles started coming fairly quickly after you arrived. I know everyone says they are just gas or dreams or whatever but we still loved them and knew they were special; just for us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We have been home now for almost a month and it has been extra surreal. You are such a gift, each and every day holds more joy than the previous one. We have been able to do with you what we never thought we would get to do. We brought you home via airplane on December 21st, 2012. You stayed all snug in the MobyWrap almost the entire plane ride. You did not cry one time and you ate your bottle like a champ! You were so tiny and so sweet. You were met by your adoring fans; Gramma, GramMarcia and Grandpa Dan, Aunt Gib and baby Liam and Uncle Rob. They were all so excited to see you again and Aunt Gib, baby Liam and Uncle Rob were excited to meet you for the first time. It was a great day! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You have had your first day at church, your first bath at home, your first night in your co-sleeper, you met the dogs, you met your cousins (that was heavenly for mommy and daddy and all of us), you saw your room that is not done yet (or even started really) and you peed all over your face for the first time. Each one of these moments brought joy to our hearts. You are the sweetest little guy. You are almost two months old and you are growing and changing with each passing day. You enjoy tummy time, you can move your head from side to side while on your tummy and your back, you can do the superman while on your tummy, you can cry very loudly to let us know what you do not like, you love the MobyWrap, you love music, you still love sleeping, you hate getting your diaper changed, you hate putting new clothes on, you love being warm while getting a bath and you HATE being cold while getting a bath...like I'm talking hate it so much that your entire body turns red or purple and you start shaking and screaming and your head starts spinning and green puke comes out...Oh, sorry...</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You have recently started following a toy if we hold it in front of your face and you also recently started smiling intentionally at us when we talk to you. Our hearts melt instantly, just so you know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You are getting so big Isaiah and mama and daddy are so happy to get to watch you grow. It's an amazing experience and we hope that we NEVER take it for granted. Life was forever changed the day they called about you; we will never be the same. We love you and we will cherish these days forever, our sweet son. We are so happy that you came on November 18th, 2012. It was the perfect day that God chose for you and the perfect day that God chose for us. He knew exactly when you would be born and that it would line up with all that it needed to line up with. God, he's pretty smart like that. :) We love you little boy blue, chili pepper, Peruvian Prince, squishy, saiah and Bubby...you are ours and we are so full of joy because of all you mean to us and our family and friends...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We love you to the moon and back a million times over,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Mommy and Daddy </span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-28644022943501425622013-01-13T22:16:00.002-05:002013-01-13T22:16:35.996-05:00The Tragedy of Adoption<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Sometimes our Isaiah's face fills with pain and sadness...his lip pouts out and he begins to cry. As a momma I pull him close and sing to him softly. I tell him it will all be ok and that he doesn't have to be sad. My heart aches when I think about anything making him sad; in those moments I can't help but remember the tragedy this sweet, tiny 7 pounder has already endured in his 2 months of life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Adoption is beautiful, adoption is Godly, adoption is all about choosing life but adoption begins with tragedy. Isaiah has a birth mother and a birth father; two people who loved him and in my imaginings I imagine they still do, very much so. Two people who chose not to parent their son. Two people who chose to give him a better life than the one they could offer. When I look at Isaiah I see the gift we have been given and when that look comes across his face I wonder if he is remembering them. Is he remembering the awful way he came into the world? Is he remembering looking into his birth mama's face? Is he remembering hearing her voice? Is he remembering her touch? Is he remembering her? Is he remembering her tears? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Adoption is tragedy at it's finest; adoption is born out of loss. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I laugh at all that God has done with our life. Oh, the places he has taken us. God knew the timeline of our entire life, from beginning to end. He knew that Isaiah and all of the loss he endured would require parents who know what loss is all about. He knew that Elle's death would begin a process that would change our lives forever. He knew that it would open our hearts up to his plan of adoption. He knew that Wesley, Isaiah and I would walk this road of loss together. He knows that we will all be able to teach each other what life after loss looks like. Our losses have brought us together, people say that all the time but it is oh so true in our case. The loss had to happen in order for the joy to begin. Oh, has the joy begun...I cannot explain it all to you in words. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Isaiah is so many things to us; I write in a journal for him and I wrote this on December 14th 2012:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>We know that out of our heartache came a beautiful picture and we know that your life will be the same. The heartache that brought you into this world has been and will be made beautiful, my sweet Isaiah. I promise. God has such a HUGE plan for you and your big life! Every time I look at you I will be reminded of the incredible plan that God has for each life. I will be reminded of the humor, the joy and the LOVE of our Jesus; you will always be that reminder our precious son...</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Something had to be lost in order for us to have him...something for him and something for us. For him it was his birth mama and his birth daddy and for us it was our sweet Ellersley. The Lord is making that more and more evident with each passing day. We will tell him all about his birth parents and how the loss of them brought him to us. We will allow him to grieve that loss in whatever way he chooses to do so. We will show him all that God has given out of the loss he has endured and we will make sure that he knows that joy is always available to grab. We will tell him all about Ellersley and that because of the path Jesus chose for her, we were led straight to him. He will know that loss does not always mean sadness. He will know that mourning only lasts for a night...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Jesus, thank you for adoption. Thank you that you have adopted us into your family. Thank you for the loss we endure because of that, loss of our sin and loss of this life. Thank you for Isaiah and the reminder that he is of your humor, your joy and your love. You are in every smile and every cry...Thank you for loss and that it brings more than just sadness. Help Wesley and I as we teach Isaiah all about sadness and all about joy and how to dance gracefully in between. You have given so many gifts in one tiny little boy...great is your faithfulness...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Elle and Isaiah's Mommy </span>Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-36487158882183209302012-12-29T09:53:00.002-05:002012-12-29T09:54:33.425-05:00Fear <div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We decided to take time this morning to pray and I need to thank you for revealing the deepest parts of my heart to me. I know it is not a gift that you give to everyone and sometimes I wish you wouldn't give it to me; but today...Thank You. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have been ignoring you...ignoring you...now. After all of the good, after all that you have done, after all of the joy. You have been ignored and it hasn't been on accident. Something has been building and I have been wondering what was going on inside; in the deepest corners of my heart. Things went so fast...we were so ready and then all of a sudden we had to be ready because your gift was here. We loved and cherished our time with him and we still do but I am walking through the motions and not reveling in all you have given and today you told me why. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am afraid, I am terrified and I am holding on to all the control I can muster up. Those feelings are still there, somewhere deep inside...you messed up last time. You screwed it up for us and I can't possibly trust you with this one. I can't let you help me and give me the strength I need, I can't be fully joyful because what if you see and you screw it up again. As if I have any say in what you decide. Jesus...I still can't trust you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Today, I realized that we have been talking about dedicating Isaiah. I have just walked through the normal mommy motions when it comes to this, of course he will be dedicated. But, today I remembered that post about a year ago...the one where dedicating was so scary in my mind. I remembered that it still is. I am very afraid and that's what I've been doing since November 19th...I am too afraid to trust that you really gave this gift and that you aren't going to take it away. I am afraid that the pain and the turmoil and the ache will start all over again. I am too afraid to be vulnerable to you and to Isaiah and to anyone who wants to bless us. I am too afraid. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Jesus, please change my heart. I need your continued healing...here I thought I was all better. ;) I need you to open up my heart...come in and fill me with your love and your joy and your strength and your healing. I need you to soften me, to make me vulnerable again, I need to trust that you truly do all things well. All things. Jesus, bring true joy that is not stifled by fear...true love that is not stifled by fear...true peace that is not stifled by fear. I love you and thank you for your gifts; gifts wrapped in perfect little boy wonderfulness and gifts that reveal what is at the core of my being. I feel much better... :)</span></div>
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Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-51320988443930422622012-12-16T23:52:00.002-05:002012-12-16T23:52:43.055-05:00Time...<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Let me begin by apologizing...I have had ideas and thoughts and inclinations and aches to post and well, the time escapes me. I am trying to do way too many things and I have not made time for the thing I love very much and the outlet that God has given me. So, in light of that, get ready...cuz the thoughts are overflowing this evening and they may spill out in a very unorderly fashion. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It is almost Christmas...the jolliest time of year. I can't help but remember last Christmas; so very different from this Christmas. I, if you can imagine it, had been having some serious self-pity. Self-pity in the midst of all of the A M A Z I N G N E S S around me. Sometimes, most times, I despise the human side of me. I was self-pitying, as we affectionately call it, because we may not be home for Christmas. We are here, in Florida, at Christmas time. Have you ever been in Florida at Christmas time? It is, quite honestly, the most depressing place to be at Christmas time! :) It is 80 and the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing and it is not cold. There is no snow, there is no rain, there are no clouds, there are no gloves, there are no coats, there are no boots, no scarves and no hats. Santa and Frosty decorate yards with their sunglasses and Hawaiian shirts on...seriously, I am not lying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So, one day as I was almost in tears over the fact that we may spend our first Christmas as a family of three away from the rest of our family, God decided to speak. I am pretty sure I was pumping ( breast pumping, that is, because I am trying to induce lactation which is the most non-fun process ever but fun at the same time because it's all for a sweet baby boy that you ALL should totally get to know because he is AWESOME). TMI I am sure...God speaks at weird times what can I say. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I thought about that last Christmas...the one that Elle should have attended. The one that was supposed to have red dresses and red bows and happy baby smiles and pretty baby earrings and little girl sweetness. I thought about the sadness that loomed over that day and how we smiled at the joy Jesus had given, but the darkness still tried to permeate. I remembered the ache and the tears that came when we got a chest with her name on it, a scrapbook of her life and when Grandma read the story that she picked out just for her. I remembered the pain, just for a moment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Then, Jesus spoke. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Remember, Nicki, remember when all you had was 12 hours with her? Remember when you smelled her and snuggled her and stared at her and spoke to her and held her close? Remember when you knew you had to do all those things because soon your time would be up? Remember that time? I have given you this time because that time was cut so short. I have given you 4 weeks and counting with a precious gift. Four weeks to smell him, to snuggle him, to stare at him, to speak to him, to hold him close. I have given you the precious gift of time and I need you to realize it and appreciate it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">God is so...I have no words for you tonight. Well, apparently, I do but in regards to how incredible he is and how magnificent he is and how perfect his timing and planning and purposes are...I have none. I love him so and I cannot tell you how much this time has meant to Wesley and I. The timing of God's plan has been so perfect. We have been allowed by each of our employers to travel to Florida and to stay here as long as needed. We have no stress, no worry and so much support. We have been given a gift by our Lord and by our family and our friends. Thank you to each and every one of you for all you have given. We are in awe of you and all you have done and are doing, our words will NEVER be enough.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My sweet Jesus, thank you for time. Thank you for a precious baby boy that has a wildly beating heart, big beautiful eyes, pouty pink lips, a tiny nose and teeny ears. Thank you that we get to spend our days snuggling him. Thank you that Christmas this year will be full of J O Y even if it's celebrated away from the rest of our family. Thank you for keeping our Isaiah safe and warm and protected while we are away from him. Thank you for the life and dreams and plans you have for him. Thank you Jesus for that sweet baby girl that still teaches me a lesson or two on a daily basis. Give her some sweet kisses from Daddy, Isaiah and I...we love you and Merry Christmas Ellersley Grace...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Elle and Isaiah's Mommy </span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-3582960555430268742012-12-03T09:20:00.000-05:002012-12-03T09:20:57.715-05:00Isaiah Samuel <div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Ecclesiastes 3:11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Our Isaiah, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We could not see the whole scope of what God wanted to do. We were stuck on what we thought was best for our hearts; so much so that we could not even see you right in front of us. That day that you came into the picture was a hard day for Mommy and Daddy. Only seconds before you were mentioned our hearts were broken all over again. Another baby girl was ripped from us, no more bows and no more headbands. No more pink walls and no more tutus. We were devastated and we were angry and bitter, yet again. We were burnt and we weren't sure we wanted to even put our hand back toward the stove for another shot. We said no to you and we moved on. Isn't it amazing how God works...He always makes sure He gets His way and we are ever so grateful. I type this with tears today because I am so grateful that He gave us another shot to love you. He opened the door and gave us one more shot to say yes to loving our teeny, tiny chili pepper. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We can hardly put into words what you mean to us. You are the answer to a long awaited desire. You are the answer to years of prayers and you are the soothing ointment to a lot of scars. Our hearts were pretty broken when your sister left, she brought a lot of joy but she left a lot of pain. Since her death our hearts have been soothed by Jesus more and more each day. He has held us and given us joy through all of the painful moments. He has given more than we ever thought was possible after the death of a child; peace that is not comprehendable this side of heaven, joy and laughter overflowing every day, strength to overcome the sadness and patience to wait for his perfect timing. Then, He brought us you. I am trying to think of words to say...I am coming up empty. I am in awe, He has made me speechless. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You are perfect. You are our little chili pepper. You are joy. You are so cute. You are so warm. You are so alive. You are so sweet. You are hilarious. You love to scare mommy. You have the best smiles. You make the most amazing silly faces. You poop a lot. You spit up a lot. You love to snuggle. You are our tiny enchilada. You are so teeny. You love story time. You hate having your blood pressure taken. You have stolen our hearts. You are ours...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You are now two weeks old and we still cannot believe that you belong to us and that they will let us take you out of the NICU some day soon. I am pretty sure that day we will both be wondering when the security guards will come and stop us because this cannot really be real life. We spend most of every day with you. We let you sleep in your little incubator and sometimes we get to hold you. Those moments are like a far away dream...the world turns fuzzy and takes me back to that day with your sister; those moments that are also like a dream. I look down at your little tomato head and I remember hers. Her tiny head and her sweet smell. Your smell is fabulous in a different way, you are a boy and she is a girl...girls are just sweeter smelling, daddy will teach you all about that. I find myself watching you and making sure you are breathing. I hate that I do that and so does daddy but it is what it is. Daddy just keeps saying that he's so grateful that your heart is beating. He and I both love feeling it beating against our chest, one of the best feelings ever. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We are so grateful for you; Isaiah Samuel. You and all of your dinos, and blue hats, and football sleepers and blue blankeys. We never knew we loved blue so much...our hearts leap at the sight of it now. All this time we thought Jesus was growing love for a sweet baby girl and little did we know he had a great, big plan. He had love for us to take for a tiny, sweet, 3lb 10oz little guy. Our hearts have been growing and growing since we got the call to come get you...meeting you was the most surreal experience in our entire life. We couldn't stop smiling and I am sure you thought we were crazy! I am sure you remember but as soon as you saw us you raised both your arms up above your head, like you were doing 'SOOOOO BIG' just for us. You were waiting for us and oh we were waiting for you...what a moment that was for Daddy and I. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We love you our little chili pepper and we cannot wait to do all the things with you that we have been longing to do for many, many years. Jesus has made everything beautiful in his time and we could not be more ecstatic about it...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We love you to the moon and back sweet boy, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Mommy and Daddy </span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5432427416587149636.post-26143647783970405662012-11-26T07:34:00.000-05:002012-12-03T09:24:24.931-05:00The Mysteries of My God<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Life does not always go the way we plan...it's a running theme in this blog and if you've been here long enough you are probably tired of hearing it. Well...hear it again my friends, hear it again loud and clear. Most of the time I say it with a bit of sarcasm and bitterness in my tone but this morning at 6:26 am I say it with the utmost of joy and gratitude. Life does not always go the way we plan...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It all started on Thursday, November 1st. Our agency called to say that the birth mother who chose our family to adopt her baby girl had changed her mind. She wanted another family, ours was not enough. We were in the middle of packing our bags; we were in the middle of purple tubs full of pink clothes and pink towels and pink wash cloths and pink blankets and pink headbands and pink bows and pink tutus. We were ready for her, our family was ready, our friends were ready.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We were devastated but we took the blow and tried to remain standing. That same night our agency presented another birth mom who didn't know the gender of the baby she would be having in early January. They presented the details and asked if we would like to allow God to give us a chance at that baby. They said that this baby's mother didn't want to choose a family and the situation was basically ours if we wanted him or her. I hung up the phone and I tried not to cry but of course, the tears came. The anger and bitterness and sarcasm and questions over and over again. The agency sent the birth mother's info and I erased the email as soon as it popped up in our inbox. We didn't want gender unknown, we wanted a girl. Wesley came home from work that night and I was already asleep, he cried and prayed on his own.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The next morning we talked and we both decided that we wanted to be gender specific in our adoption and we called our agency and changed our stance to girl situations only. We got one call...for a baby girl that was born at 28 weeks but I knew my emotions would not be able to handle the road that little one would face. Twenty-eight weeks was before our Elle...the dangers of that were too much for my fried heart to handle. My poor Prince, he deals with a lot of fried emotions himself and mine to boot. So, we waited and waited. It felt like years but truly it was about a week. :) Patience...not a strong suit, remember?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We walked around our home and still prepared our room for a sweet little girl that we just knew would be coming soon. We bought pink curtains and we bought a nice changing table and we bought a vase with pretty flowers in it that light up. We girlied up the room pretty good.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Somewhere around the 15th or so of November, in the midst of all the girly stuff, we decided that being girl specific was just selfish. What if God really wanted to bless us with a sweet baby boy and we were too stuck in our girl ways to realize it? What if we missed out on a blessing because we thought we knew what was best? What if we tried to make our plan fit into God's plan instead of making His fit into ours? We called immediately and changed our plan...still not wanting to go full steam but we decided on girl or gender unknown.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My mom, being my mom, remembered the gender unknown baby we were offered that awful Thursday night and so we asked. "Oh, that baby was matched with a family yesterday, I am so sorry!" our agency said. But she had another gender unknown baby...one in Utah. So, we decided to present to the birth mother of that baby and our profile was sent to her. It was sent on Friday, November 16th, Wesley's 27th birthday. It was sent to the agency and then they would be mailing it out to her, she was due to receive it on Tuesday or Wednesday the following week. Follow...God's plan gets messy...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Friday night we went out to eat with Wesley's parents and my parents for his 27th birthday. Yay for birthdays! We talked and laughed and the discussion came to adoption. Wesley's dad talked and talked a lot about God's plan and how it can be a mystery and we never know how He will work. He brought up a family that he had encountered who knew a girl in our area who was thinking about adoption. "But, she is having a boy..." he said. We laughed and said that it didn't matter to us what the baby was, we thought our hearts were set on a girl but we had no idea the plan that God had. We walked away from that dinner and we decided to pursue this teenage young lady with a sweet baby boy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Saturday came and so did a flood of emotions. Wesley was a mess, I was grouchy as ever and it was just not pretty in our home. We tried to relax our minds and not think about either situation we were being presented with but it is nearly impossible to do that. Sunday came and we had Thanksgiving dinner at our church. Praise God for something to get our minds off of adoption. During the dinner a tiny, sweet, blond teenage girl came over to us and said she had something to tell us. She was in from out of state, visiting with her family. She said "Hi, I am Elizabeth and I'm from West Virginia. I heard in church this morning that you guys are adopting and you need wisdom and strength and patience for the journey. I wanted to tell you about a couple in our church who had trouble getting pregnant and they decided to adopt. They went through the whole process and the waiting and eventually they were matched. They went to get their baby and after having him for 2 days the birth mother changed her mind and they had to give him back to her. It was absolutely awful but a month later they were called again and now their son is 2 months old and he's perfect and adorable and everything is so great. Please hold on, don't give up! It will happen, God has a great plan for you both." Seriously??? Where do these people come from, right? God is so C-A-R-A-Z-Y!!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So...we straightened up a bit and got our bearings back and moved on with life. Monday came and with it came a call to a lawyer about private adoption. This situation was so far from happening but just in case God wanted to get crazy we had to be ready. So, just to make sure you are on board...we are anticipating our profile book being shown to a birth mama in Utah and we are calling a lawyer about a private adoption of a baby boy, oh that is due November 23rd... :) I forgot that part. Emotions on OVERDRIVE! So, the second I get off the phone with the lawyer in Ohio I get a call from our agency. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I said hello and I just heard laughing..."Ok, so, I have another situation for you guys..." My heart skipped a beat, and my breath caught in my throat. My blood pressure also probably rose to epic proportions, I do not handle stress well. I laughed and said, "oooook, I just got off the phone with the lawyer about this private adoption but what's up?" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The world went into slow motion as she told me about a baby boy that was born Sunday morning at 1:07am. He was 3lbs and 10oz and 16.5 inches long. He has a head full of brown hair and his birth mother was 31 weeks and 5 days when she delivered him. My head is spinning... Oh and remember the situation we offered you the night we called to say you lost that other situation? Yeah, that's this one...the family he was matched with backed out...they don't want him anymore and he can be yours if you say yes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My skin, instantly, was red and blotchy...does your skin do that? because mine totally does when I am stressed to the maximum...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I got off the phone and called Wesley..."Soooo, what do you think?" I asked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">"I think yes...I think we should say yes..." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">"I think so too..." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">:)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I called her back and told her yes and then I just laughed and laughed and wrote down as much information as I could about our little guy and his birth parents.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Elle and Isaiah's Mommy</span></div>
Elle's mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01149604810301979534noreply@blogger.com6