Our Sweet Girl

Ellersley,

There is a sadness looming today. I hate it, just like I always do. I miss you. I miss you so much there are tears and there haven't been tears in a very long time. I live life every day and you pop in my mind at some point but it is always with gladness. I always smile when I look up at the sky; I think of you and all your princessness. I think of how you are running and playing and enjoying heaven with all of your friends and with Jesus. But today... oh, today.

Perhaps, it is because this is the time of year you started hanging around. Perhaps, it is because tomorrow we will have a party and celebrate your brother. Perhaps, it's because I was cleaning your room today. Perhaps, it is just because I'm about to start my period. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... Whatever it is, it's here and well...I must admit that I wish it would just leave.

I don't have time for grief today. I am getting ready for a celebration tomorrow. A celebration of Epic proportions. A celebration that I have been waiting to have for a long, long time. A celebration that many people have been waiting for. A celebration of life. A celebration of love. A celebration of our blessing. A celebration of Jesus. Maybe my heart is so heavy because there is one thing this celebration is not; it is not a celebration of you.

I longed to celebrate you and the amazing blessing that you were. We prepared and we bought all the decorations and we planned out how it would go. We had the prettiest pink picked out and princess wands and pink ribbon everywhere... The invitations were sent and some of the gifts had been bought. Everyone was ready to celebrate at Miss Elle's Party; celebrate the journey it took to get to you, celebrate the life you were, celebrate the blessing we had been given, celebrate all your princessness.

You came two weeks before that day and oh the sadness when August 28th came. We visited your spot at the cemetery that day and the tears flowed for the celebration that was not happening. Elle, I just want you to know that even though we did not celebrate at that party we have tried to celebrate your life every day since August 13th, 2011. Tomorrow we will celebrate the life of your baby brother. We will celebrate like no celebration ever. We will revel in the joy and the blessing that God has given. We will revel in the miracle that he is and the miraculous things God keeps doing for us and for him every single day.

We will remember that sweet girl that brought us straight to his NICU door. You may not be here to celebrate with us but you will always be a part of his story. You will be a huge part and he will always know that. You and Jesus led us to him. I love you, sweet girl. Today, there is sadness but tomorrow there will only be room for joy. Tomorrow I will look up at the sky again and there you will be; dancing away, running and laughing, calling to Daddy and Bubby and I to come join you. We can't wait for that day...cannot wait. My heart beats the greatest love for you Ellersley and your Daddy and I will die someday celebrating the life, joy and change you brought to so many people.

We love you big girl to the moon and back again... 

Mommy and Daddy