Our Ellersley Grace

We have a daughter, Ellersley Grace Deem. She was born on Saturday August 13th, 2011 at 11:31 pm. Elle lived close to my heart for 29 weeks and 1 day and then Jesus called her home. We had the most perfect pregnancy anyone could ask for and the doctors have said that what happened with Elle is impossible. We trust and believe that this was God's plan for our princess and she is living her life abundantly through her death. Like I said our pregnancy was absolutely perfect, no high blood pressure, no excessive weight gain, no clotting issues, no health issues with me or our sweet baby. Our 28th week came and we had our appointment on Wednesday. The doctor checked her heartbeat and said she had a very strong heart and she was looking perfect! We left that appointment so in love with our little girl just like we had always been and we were so looking forward to starting our 2 week appointments. That Saturday, after the appointment, came and we were busy bees all day long. We had baby shower shopping to do; we bought all the decorations for her party and we could NOT wait to celebrate her little life! That night as we laid in bed I suddenly started bleeding. We ended up calling 911 and we were rushed to the hospital. The entire time a peace came over my soul and I just kept talking to God and asking him to keep me and our sweet baby safe. He gave me peace in place of fear. The doctor's tried to find Elle's heartbeat and eventually they did but it was very faint. They told us that they had to do an emergency c-section right away, the baby had to come out. At 11:31 her little body came into this world. The doctors tried valiantly to keep her heart beating but our sweet girl lost her battle at 11:53pm. The doctors ended up explaining that I had a placental abruption and Elle lost too much blood to keep her little heart pumping. Our hearts were broken, we felt like our love was gone. She was our love, our love in it's truest state and she was gone. What were we supposed to do now? I can tell you that now, being 8.5 months away from Elle's birth, every day is a battle in my mind. I must choose Joy! I must live in the love and joy that I had with Ellersley and not the pain and sorrow that took her away. It is not easy and some days I don't live there. It is so difficult to think about the things that we should be doing each and every day and sometimes the silence is deafening to me and terrifies me in the deepest parts of my soul. I know that my God is near me every day and I do feel that there are times that he allows me to feel my sweet baby close to me. I feel that she is near when I see a butterfly flutter past me or when the warm wind blows in the summer breeze. She is our love and our joy, our firstborn baby. She will forever be cherished, loved and remembered...Hearts broke when your heart stopped beating, I don't know if mine will ever stop bleeding - Olivianna by JJ Heller

***this is a very condensed version of the story God has written for our Elle...if you would like to read from the beginning you can start with the very first post on this blog which was in October 2011. Thank you so much for visiting and reading about our sweet girl and all Jesus has done through her big life...

Elle's Mommy