Friday, November 2, 2012

Hold My Heart

Well, tonight was heart-wrenching.
One reason and one reason only.
She changed her mind.
The daughter that we thought we had, we no longer have.
Jesus...hold our heart...again...
One of my lovelies sent this song to me tonight...when I say my lovelies I mean one of you, our readers. It is perfect for tonight and for the moment that we are standing in right now. I cannot believe that we are standing here but none-the-less, we are and I suppose I should not be shocked. Pain, agony and destroyed dreams should be something I am used to by now, right? You must excuse my sarcasm (pride and anger) tonight, it is going to be flowing quite freely. If you are lucky, you will be saved from a cuss word or two also...I make no promises.
Guys...for real? Can I just get a big 'FOR REAL' please? This is just unreal... I am annoyed with God, He is annoying. I love Him, I love His plan, I KNOW it is perfect and I KNOW there is a gorgeous, sweet, beautiful baby somewhere in this world that belongs to us but HE IS STINKIN' IRRITATING! Why does He seem to feel that we can handle so much? Our emotions are just fried, completely fried.
I just thought of a friend, an almost family friend. She is going through one of the most torturous, heart breaking aches this life has to offer. Adultery. I bet she thinks God is pretty darn annoying right now. I bet she wonders why. I bet she cries at night because all of her dreams have been shattered. I bet her body aches for the warmth of another. I bet she wants to yell and scream all sorts of cuss words at the walls around her.
Thank you Jesus for putting my small, minute problems in perspective...Thank you for the month of November and all that it means regarding thankfulness. Thank you for a loving husband who, through adultery, came to know you and love you and respect me. Thank you for dreams, even ones that are sometimes shattered. Be with us tonight and be with this friend. Give her peace, Jesus. Lots and Lots of peace...Thank you Lord for always holding our hearts...
Elle's Mommy


The Kimmels said...

I'm so sorry :( Such heartbreak, again. The wonderful thing is that God can handle ALL of your emotions. We are doing the Beth Moore James study at our church right now and we were comparing some of James to Job and there was a quote in our workbook that just really stood out to me. "The Lord does not put us to tests that He knows in advance we don't have the wherewithal to pass. He boasts in His faithful followers then lets them prove Him right." I loved this quote, although sometimes I wish God didn't trust me quite so much :) I'm so sorry that you are having to face all of this pain, you will definitely be in my prayers.

Hannah Rose said...

Even in the hard times, your blog points to Christ and is so encouraging and uplifting...