Thankfulness

Well, I guess I should probably talk about thankfulness since it is now Thanksgiving. You surely wouldn't know it was Thanksgiving by walking into Wal-mart. My word, I was there the other day looking for a stuffed turkey. That's all I wanted, a stuffed animal turkey to put on our daughter's grave. Is that so much to ask? Santa was everywhere, reindeer all over, candy cane Hershey kisses galore (I did grab some of those and so should you because they are the best) but not one turkey to be found. I finally gave up and decided she didn't really need a turkey to sit in the rain in the place that she doesn't even reside. I am sure she has plenty of stuffed animals in Heaven and if she doesn't then that's probably because she doesn't really need them. She has all that she needs. Ok...on to thankfulness...

Thankfulness is a choice, did you know that? Over the past 3 months thankfulness has been a difficult choice. In the past it was an easy choice, Oh thank you Lord for this beautiful home, thank you Lord for wonderful jobs, thank you Lord for working vehicles, thank you Lord for full bellies every day, thank you Lord for a giving, sweet family, thank you Lord for a changed husband, thank you Lord for a new marriage...but thank you Lord for a baby that is not breathing on this planet? Oh that's a difficult one. I have searched for a verse from the Bible to put here, a profound verse that would give some insight to how we are supposed to be thankful for all the things that happen in our life. I am finding that there are too many, ha! Imagine that. God is so funny...I am searching through Wesley's concordance and there are probably over 100 verses that just have the word 'thanks' in them; there are way more with thankful, thanked, thankfulness and thanksgiving. The point that I'm getting from the Bible is this : "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!" Psalm 107:1

Take note that it does not say...Give thanks to the Lord only when you have a warm home and lots of food and healthy babies and non-cheating husbands. My Bible doesn't say that anyway, maybe yours does and if yours does maybe we should trade : ). I am so bad at being thankful. I am selfish and want only the good from the Lord. It is so very difficult to say 'Thank you Lord for everything that has happened in my full life.' It doesn't flow out easily, it's more like it comes out in a scream or in a cry or just not at all. Wesley and I have walked these past 3 months and oh we see the good. We see the people that have heard Elle's story, we see the tears and the faith that she has caused. We see the kindness of so many people, kindness that came to us in letters and cards and more money than we knew what to do with. We see the change in our own lives, the faith that has grown and the JOY that has been a steady friend even though she is not here. We know God has been good, we know he has blessed. But to be thankful, it doesn't come easily. Thankful for what, HOPEFULLY ( I hope you are listening Jesus), will be the biggest tragedy our lives will see? Thankful for empty arms and bleeding hearts? Thankful for dreams shattered and more questions than answers? Yes, thankful because God is good in the good of life and in the bad of life. Our lives are covered by the grace and mercy of a God who loves us more than we can even imagine. He is always watching, He is ever-present, He is walking right beside us...He always was, always is and always will be. We choose to believe it, we choose to be thankful every day. He never said it would be easy..."Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Thank you Jesus for life, thank you for our home, thank you for JOY, thank you for jobs, thank you for cars, thank you for the blessings of this life that we take for granted every single day. Thank you for peace that passes anything our small minds could ever understand. Thank you for our sweet baby Honu, thank you for all the JOY she brought us this year and for the JOY she will bring us forever, thank you for empty arms and a bleeding heart (oh that hurts), thank you for shattered dreams and thank you for more questions than answers. Thank you for tears Lord, and thank you for healing. You are the giver of all things good, Lord, and I don't understand what that means but someday I will. Thank you for that.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours,

Nicki