Monday, October 17, 2011

Ellersley Grace I

*****Warning: I tend to write how I talk, meaning this will be full of grammar mistakes...I'm sorry but go with it for me...********
*****Also...this is part 1...our story is long...blame God...*****

Ellersley's story is quite long and complicated but that's what a blog is for right? To write as long as you need to and who cares if not one single soul ever reads it. It's for me anyway.. : ) So, if anyone is reading this...grab your favorite drink and a warm blanket. You may be here for a while...

I grew up in a house full of babies. My mom ran a baby-sitting service out of her home and still does today. From 5 years old until the day I moved out kids ruled our home. Changing dirty diapers, wiping noses and brushing hair were daily occurrences. High fives, big hugs and sloppy kisses were rampant in our one was safe : ) We LOVE kids...always have, always will. So, my desire for babies began at a very young age, I love was kind of bred in me. I wanted...needed to be a mama.
Before I was married I would pray that my boyfriend's brother and his wife would have a baby that I could love and spoil rotten someday. They eventually did and I do and it was the most wonderful day when he came into our family. He filled me with a joy and a love that is hard to explain...a baby that I could love and direct and when he got too hard I could send him home to his mama! : ) I was in heaven! And then a year later another one came along...can you imagine my joy? Again, I was in heaven! I could not help but love them to the ends of this earth. They both brought the purest form of joy to my life and still do today. They are a part of my most treasured possessions on this earth. JOY in human form. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me..." They show me more about Jesus on a daily basis than I could ever learn apart from them. I am obviously a very proud aunt. Well, I'm getting off topic here, back to Elle...

Wesley (my husband) and I got married on July 30th, 2005. We, as all engaged couples do, thought we were the most perfect in-love couple to ever happen to Earth. Well, come to find out, we were young and stupid...what a surprise! : ) We had no idea of the life that God could see in front of us.

We started our marriage with some intense baggage that lead us straight to our knees before a God that promised to restore. The first 2.5 years consisted of a controlling wife full of distrust and a dishonest husband with secrets no one could imagine. March of 2008 brought the Black Abyss, as we affectionately call it. The Black Abyss brought secrets to light...a secret life of sin, lust and eventually adultery. Wesley was a broken man wanting help and I was an angry wife embarrassed beyond belief. In the middle of this God was watching and orchestrating the details of our life. He knew what we both needed and knew that we would need it in order to get through the rest of our lives together. God brought us Pure Life Ministries,
look them up. Wesley, my love, left in May of 2008 for the rolling hills of Kentucky. Kentucky? yes has become our second home. A place of refuge and somewhere that we feel God near to us each time we cross over that state line. God is in should go sometime.

Well, Wes began a 6 month journey in May of 2008, a journey that took him past himself and straight to the cross. The cross that our Jesus bled on, so we could be free. He found Jesus and found teaching that taught him how to live a life full of Jesus. He was taught how to be an honest, loving and unselfish husband. He was taught how to be a seeker of Jesus, a lover of Jesus, a child of the King. He was taught how to be a servant to all and a protector of his family. He was taught how to live a life free from sin and bondage. Freedom is life.

I, at the same time, went through intense counseling as well. I realized I had a role in ruining this marriage we had tried to create. I tried to control my husband and make him into the man I wanted him to be instead of allowing God to mold him into the man God wanted him to be. I allowed Satan to rule my mind instead of taking captive every single thought. I was told what a Godly wife looks like, one who is meek and sweet-spirited. I'm still working on it, don't judge : ) I was taught to serve my husband like Jesus served those around him and to love him UNCONDITIONALLY. Love him through the good and the bad and trust that he is in Jesus's hands, not mine. I had no control over him and God taught me that lesson the hard way. To this day, 3.5 years later, control is still a battle in my mind. I give it to Jesus every single day...

Soooo, moving right along. Wesley came home in November of 2008 and so began the rebuilding of a marriage, a marriage full of Jesus and many trips back to Kentucky, of course (just to visit, not to stay again..). We moved on and let Jesus rebuild the blocks of our life one at a time. Were there days full of control? Oh my yes there were of course. My husband was more than sweet during those days, loving me into a full trust in him again. I'm listening to that song by Newsong and Natalie Grant right now..."When God made You". It does make me wonder what God was thinking when he made us. He knew just what Wesley would need and just what I would need. He knew the trials and disasters that would try to destroy our life together. He knew and knows and will forever know everything that we needed, need and will need. When God made you baby he must've been thinking about me...


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