Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Ellersley Grace II

Ok ok ...I love him a lot ok. So moving into the rest of our lives obviously we thought we were invincible, never to be touched again by any miniscule thing this life could throw our way. We could handle it all, with Jesus. We had been through the FIRE of this ugly world and come out shining, so we thought, in our great pride. We had been given great love and we began to dream about sharing that love with a little one.

Jesus had given Wesley a great desire to become a daddy and well, my desire to be a mommy was bred into me, remember? November of 2008 our desire turned into action and we started actively trying to 'be fruitful and multiply'. About a year into our 'adventures' (that's what we'll call it) we realized we were not getting anywhere. Babies were not forming, something was not right. We went through some standard testing which proved that nothing was wrong but that ugly word, infertility, was being thrown around. At this point we were telling God that whatever He wanted we were ready. P.S. DON'T EVER SAY THAT...unless you mean it and then you better GET READY! : )

We knew that we had the love of Jesus and we just wanted to share that with a child. It didn't matter to us who that baby was, a biological child or an adopted child. We just wanted to shine Jesus's love into another life. We explored adoption and still feel God's pull toward a baby boy in Africa but the timing was just not right. Someday, little man, someday...

We decided to start infertility treatments in November of 2010, pills to be exact. The pills made my body work the way it was originally intended to work. I guess that meant hot flashes? God works in mysterious ways, what can I say? So we or I took the pills and counted the days and did all the steps I was told to do. And then we waited, 1 month down and no baby...2 months down and no baby. Christmas Eve came and I remember being sooooo sad on that day. At church on Christmas Eve I was watching a little girl that is so very close to our family. I was keeping her during the service for her mommy, she was almost 2 years old and I just remember sobbing because we did not have a child to hold for another Christmas. God was in my midst, holding me ever so close to his side. Preparing my heart all the way...

January came and again the pills but this time a shot was introduced also. I hate shots, not really a big fan of the needle but for a baby, sure I'll do it. It didn't hurt, by the way, easy as pie. I took the pills and got the shot on Saturday, February 5th. Little did we know, God created our Ellersley that day with a little help from Wesley and a little from me. Or should I say we created Ellersley with a little help from Him? Hmm...well either way that day will go down as a day we will always remember. The day my body worked in the magnificent way the Master created it to, forming a miracle that would come to mean more to us than we ever dreamed or imagined.

Before Ellersley was ever created we were thinking of names for the baby God would one day give us. Wesley just happened to be reading Scottish Chiefs, a book about the hero William Wallace. He came across the name of his estate, Ellerslie. If I am remembering correctly he was reading a specific part of the book to me and the name of this estate came up. He looked at me and said, "That would be a cute little girl's name, Ellerslie." I said "yeah, yeah i kinda like it." I love that her name was loved by daddy first, a name that Jesus picked out just for her and made sure that her daddy saw it. A name that is unique and special to her, a name that no one else has. She is one special little lady.

So after February 5th we were all just waiting and waiting and wondering and pondering what it would be like if I were really pregnant. It was a long anticipated dream for our entire family and we were just dying for it to be true. I remember pee, lots and lots and lots of pee. I was starting to get up in the middle of the night to go pee and at first I didn't think much of it but then it became a nightly ritual. I was getting excited and so was Wesley. So, on the morning of February 16th (a Wednesday) I got up to pee. It was probably about 3 am. I rolled over Wesley and went into our bathroom. I got out the pregnancy test and did, well, what you do on pregnancy tests. Then I sat and waited as Wesley stared at me. I picked the stick back up and looked and then I looked again. "Are there 2 lines on that?" and I handed it to Wesley. "No Nick...well, are there 2 lines on it?" We went back and forth like this several times. It was a cheapo test from Dollar General that everyone says to get because why spend the money on the expensive ones. I'l tell you why...THIS IS WHY!!! The lines are so faint you have no idea if you are or if you aren't and it's just cruel and unusual punishment to those who have been anticipating for soooo long.

So, we were just in awe at the thought that there could be a peanut growing, I think we were in shock. Wes was trying not to get too excited because we weren't sure yet if it was really true. We had a million other things going on that day but we decided that we would get the test that actually says not pregnant or pregnant, the digital ones that cost like $30 bucks for 1 test. We were not going to be the judge of the pink lines again.

February 17th, 2011 I rolled over Wesley at 3 am and made my way to the bathroom. We were both as excited as a 7 year old on Christmas morning. We could not believe that there was a possiblity that I was full of life. I was so anxious... I peed on the stick and handed it directly to Wesley. There was no way I could look, I was so nervous. He stood over it watching intently and hoping for a miracle. He finally, after what seemed like an eternity, looked up and I said, "What does it say?" and he handed me the stick and then he smiled the most wonderful smile. I looked at it and said "Are you serious???". There it was, the word we had been waiting for, Pregnant. I ran to him and jumped into his arms. He had some tears and I was just in complete shock. I'm pretty sure I screamed with excitement and we hugged and kissed over and over. A few hundred "Thank you Jesus's" were said also that February morning. We got back into bed full of joy, thankfulness and a love for each other and a God that had heard our cries and fulfilled the deepest desires of our hearts. We could not believe it...we were pregnant!


1 comment:

Kim and Mat said...

Oh I am so ready for more. You write beautifully and your story, well, it is written by God so how can it not be wonderfully made.

I love you, and Wes, and Miss Elle. How I wish I could hold her and kiss her. How I cry for the longing that you now have. But how can we argue with our Creator? Although I have :) I am always here and am so blessed to call you friend. You are an example to all women of what a godly woman is supposed to look like.

Love you!