Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Popped Bubbles and Choosing Joy

It's almost Christmas!!! : ) Well, really it is already Christmas for us because the family celebrations have already begun and truly that is the beginning of Christmas. There are only 5 days left...that makes my heart pound a little since I still do not have 1 single thing for my husband. Not one. I must admit that normally I love to buy gifts for people. I love giving, it makes me so happy to see someone else so happy. I must put a but here, But I really don't like buying for my husband. I hate it this year...oh that's horrible to say. I just don't know what to buy!!! What do you buy someone who has everything? Or let me rephrase, what do you buy someone who wants items that are too expensive? The poor guy...he doesn't want me to spend a lot and so here I sit with only a few ideas and they aren't really that great. I will try my best and let ya know how it goes...

I am beginning to realize that I lived in a SERIOUSLY thick bubble before August 13th, 2011. I mean like walls of steel bubble. Do you live in that bubble too? The bubble that allows you to only see what is going on in your world? The bubble that shouts AAAAHHHH WATCH OUT don't look that way because there is someone over there hurting and well, we surely would not want to approach that. The bubble that I was floating in thought that Christmas time was always happy for everyone. The bubble made me think that everyone was holly and everyone was jolly, everyone loved Santa and everyone loved Christmas cards with little teeny tiny sleeping newborns on them. This Christmas I am not feeling happy, not holly and not jolly and little teeny tiny sleeping newborns give me more tears than I can handle most days. Has your bubble ever been popped? I hate to say it but I hope it has. Popped bubbles allow us to see outside of ourselves. Popped bubbles allow us to see that there are far too many hurting people and families in this world. Four months ago my bubble was popped. I hated it and I still hate it but the popped bubble is growing on me. It's allowing me to see the world outside of my bubble. It has allowed me to see that I am not the only one sitting in a quiet home and an empty nursery this Christmas. It has allowed me the priviledge of diving in to someone else's hurt. It seems my entire month of December has been filled with the UGLINESS of this world: infant deaths, suicides, divorce, financial problems...not in my family but everywhere I look I see it or hear it. I hate it. But, I praise God for my blessings. It allows me to see the richness of the love and the peace that he's given to me. It allows me the priviledge of praying over those families. Praying earnestly that God would be real in their situation just like he is in ours. The popped bubble allows me to choose Joy.

Choosing Joy...an interesting statement. I was completely unaware that I could choose joy. I never really thought it was a choice. I thought that Joy was kind of out there on it's own and it would come if it wanted to but if it didn't want to then so be it. Grouchiness would ensue or grischiness as we like to call it. I have decided to chose joy. The joy is not a feeling that comes naturally to me at this time in my life. It is a choice. I choose to have joy. The world outside of my bubble is ugly; it's sad, depressing and just plain nasty but I will stand and grasp my joy with a tightly clenched fist right in the middle of the mess. My joy is not just floating out there somewhere waiting to swing by me, no my joy is forever and always in my grasp. It is there for the taking whenever I need it and I will choose joy every day. I will choose joy when the sun is shining and I will choose joy when the rain is falling. I will choose joy when the plan goes the way I thought it would and when the plan does not go the way I thought it should. I will choose joy when God says yes and when God says no. I will choose joy. God did his part in giving it and now all I have to do is take it. Psalm 16:11
You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

In His presence there is fullness of Joy! : )

My husband and I hope and pray that you are choosing Joy this Christmas. We hope that the Joy of Jesus is making your home a happy place in spite of the sadness some of you may be enduring. We hope that the cry of that newborn baby so long ago has won over your heart and captivated your every thought. He is Joy to this world despite all the sorrow and sadness that we must endure here. He came to give that Joy, take it and use it...


I want to post this because I love it...it has nothing to do with joy...well it brought me lots of joy (and tears) so maybe it does but either way...love this...for all you mommy's of angels, thinking of you and yours this Christmas : ) Oh, and I almost forgot...I got this from a friend...another mommy of an angel @


I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are OK.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!
~Author Unknown


Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night,

Elle's Mommy





1 comment:

Catherine said...

Thank you Nicki - You and Wesley have been on our minds so much. Praying that you find comfort as well this Christmas. I am so encouraged by your blog...I know what it takes out of you to put each post together, but what a testimony! I have had a hard time lately and haven't been able to put anything together on Owen's. My last post on there was so difficult just reliving everything.

I look around each time I'm visiting Owen to see if I might see you. I was there yesterday too. I am thankful that his headstone is up, but the reality of it has been harder than I was expecting. It's just so final. I'm sure our paths will cross there soon.

In other "what a small world" moments, my husband, Derek ran into someone who knows your family as well as baby Penny's from your church. His name is Tim. He and my husband used to work together at some point...

Well, this is long for a comment, but know we are praying for you! A dear friend sent me this quote and I thought you find comfort in it as I have.... It is from the book Stepping Heavenward, which is a must-read if you haven't already!
“What a fearful thing it is to be a mother! But I have given my child to God. I would not recall him if I could. I am thankful He has counted me worthy to present Him so costly a gift.”
PSALM 57:1