Tuesday, October 2, 2012

God's Wonderful Plan

I have barely started writing this post and I am already crying...that should tell you it's gonna be a good one, haha!
I bought a book about a week ago. I went to Berean (a Christian bookstore in our area). I was looking for a specific type of book and I was not having any luck. Once I talked to the lovely customer assistant, I realized this bookstore didn't really carry what I was looking for. I was mad but nonetheless I traversed back to the children's department to see if they had anything fun. I picked this book up knowing where it would lead and well, it surely did lead to where I thought and that was to a lot of tears. I have not really cried in a public place like that in a very long time but I really could not stop the tears from coming. I was with my parents and I took the book over to them and told them to read it and then I had to walk away because well, the dam was about to burst.
 God's Wonderful Plan
We are adopting...
I'm very full of joy today. God made me in a special way. I praise Him as I walk along. I praise Him with my special song.
I cannot believe that life has actually brought us to this place, well I should say Jesus- he has brought us to this place. The emotions are all over the map. We are so happy, we are so full of joy, we are so excited, we are so thankful; but we are also so anxious, we are so nervous, we are so scared, we are so overwhelmed.
It's times like these I take delight, in ladybugs and bees in flight. I see God in the sky of blue. He's in the grass and flowers, too.
We have been preparing for our home study interview which is tomorrow. We have filled out over 1,000 pieces of paper. We have made over 1,000 copies of all of those 1,000 pieces of paper. We ordered Wes's birth certificate because for some reason his was lost? Hm...hope that doesn't come back to bite us in the butt any time soon. We have installed smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors. We put a fire extinguisher under our sink. We have cleaned this entire home, TOP TO BOTTOM. If you haven't seen our house and always wanted to, now is your chance, it will NEVER look like this again. We have had physicals. We have done A LOT.
God knows all insects love to eat. So He makes crunchy leaves so sweet. I praise Him for my daily bread, then nibble branches overhead.
But, none of that has come close to the preparation God has been doing over the past 7 years. God had a plan...and He has made sure that His plan gets accomplished. We have always been drawn to adoption. We felt God's pull after Wesley graduated from PureLife and we pursued it for a minute but then God pointed us in another direction. That direction was Elle. We pursued doctors and medicine and along with God, we created life. We were so happy, we felt God's love for us in every kick and every roll of that sweet baby. Then, God took her.
I trust in God to give good things. But, sometimes, I wish I had wings. Still, I believe God has a plan, one that I do not understand.
We cried and we screamed at Him. We told Him that something must have gone terribly wrong. This could not be the plan, He didn't mean for this to happen, He couldn't. But, oh how He loves us so. He whispered for a year that this was the plan and we just needed to wait and see. He said to trust Him for He only gives good things. We went through so many emotions; sadness, bitterness, anger, hate, pity, and envy. We begged Him to give her back and we begged Him to give us another biological baby. He smiled and whispered again, just wait and see, I have a great plan for you that only holds good things.
God thought of everything, it seems - like warm cocoons and pleasant dreams. I praise Him as I take my rest. I trust He'll give me what is best.
We trusted Him and kept living this life. Adoption came up and we smiled and knew He was speaking. We jumped in full force and now we are moving slowly through each hoop. We had reservations; what will happen? Will we love this baby as much as we love Elle? Will we be able to explain adoption easily and comfortably to a growing child? Will the money be there? Will we pass all the inspections? Will we want to have contact with a birth mother and father? Will we be able to bond with our baby? What if the baby dies? What if the mother changes her mind? What if we lose another baby?
Then I wake up, open my eyes, and praise God for this big surprise. A butterfly with wings I see - Yes, that is what God planned for me!
Then, He whispered, This is what I have been planning, trust me. I have been preparing your hearts to love a child that comes from another's womb. I know that you can do it and you will do it well. Your life will be transformed; sadness to joy, ashes to beauty, rain to sunshine, caterpillar to butterfly. I love you and I adopted you into my family and I expect you to do the same. I have been the perfect example of that love.
We are adopting and we could not be happier. We hope that all of you will pray for us; that Jesus would give peace of mind through this nerve-wracking process, that Jesus would stay our focus, that our baby would be kept safe and warm in his or her birth mother's womb and that we would be united in God's perfect timing. Please join us in praying for our birth parents (whomever they may be); for their health and safety and peace of mind in the brave decision they will make for their child.
 Thank you all for your prayers and your joy over us and the plan that God is always orchestrating.
Elle's Mommy


Courtney Jean said...

I am praying for you & for Wes. You guys will be amazing adopted parents. I'm so happy for you both! God Bless you guys! :)

Stephanie said...

Wow I have to get this book so that every time I'm feeling a little down I can read it and remember God has a plan for me too. Thanks for sharing!

Hannah Rose said...

This is beautiful, as usual...What a precious book! I'd love to get a copy. Congratulations on your adoption journey! So happy for you and Wes and excited to see what God will do! Much love, HR

Terra Miller said...

Nicki, once again you have brought me to tears (in a good way) . I love the words in the book you found and your words. I never would have dreamed 13 years ago as I prepared for my marriage to Russ that I would be the mama to 3 teen boys now. God's plan truly is PERFECT!!!! I can't wait for your little one to join your family and I pray for you and Wes daily as you go through this process!!!! Congratulations!!!!!! You will be such wonderful parents!!!!

Kiara Buechler said...

I am ordering this book TODAY! Thank you for sharing about your adoption journey, best of luck at your interview!

Kristy said...

Yay for adoption! I must also get a copy of this book. Prayers as you are on this journey!