Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Risk of Joy

Winter has arrived here in Ohio! It decided to come pretty late this year. We had some 55 degree days at the beginning of January which is just a flat out miracle for Ohio, but alas the snow has come and I'm pretty sure it's about 15 degrees outside right now. If it's not 15, it feels like it's 15. I love that statement from the weather man, "High in the mid 20's today but it will feel like it's about 10 degrees." Why don't they just say it's 10 degrees, who cares if it isn't really 10 degrees? I mean really do you notice the difference? Hmm let's go stand outside for about an hour and we will both guess what the temperature the time you are done you are both frozen and it no longer matters what the temperature is. The only thing that matters is how you are going to get the feeling back in your fingers and toes. Ridiculous...I hate the cold. Ellersley told me that heaven is not cold, so there. Wesley and I have debated a move to the south many times. Well, it goes more like this..."I hate the cold, let's move to Hawaii". "Ok, let's do it". Then, we continue driving to our destination and once we step out into the cold, somehow it stops our memories from working and we forget that we ever decided that we were going to move to Hawaii. That's really a bummer...

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I hate the cold and also about why we are all still living on this Earth even though sometimes the pain is too much to bear. The other day I was talking to a friend and we were talking about something HORRENDOUS that had happened to a family that we both knew. I said to her, "This world just really blows..." She came back with this..."Yeah it does, sometimes. God always makes it worth living though." I laughed at what she said and the way that she said it. Almost every single person I have said 'life blows' to has come back with the exact same response. It's a true-to-the-core statement, what she said, but my life is so very different now and I'm starting to really notice the things that people say to me. Before Elle passed away that comment would come out of my mouth now and then about some horrible tragedy and everyone around me would say, "It sure does, this life just blows." Now, people are always trying to make sure that I am aware that life is hard but God is good. It's like they need me to know that life is still worth living and to not give up yet. It's interesting, I've never had people worry about me in that context. It's just new to me, I guess.

I can honestly say that not one time has ending it all even come to my mind, thank you Lord. That is because of Him and only Him. I just know that is NOT an option. I am called to life and life more abundantly with Him. I am living for a purpose and a calling. God has a plan for my life just like he had a plan for Ellersley's life, he still has one. Her life is making a big difference all over the place, how amazing is that??? A purpose and a plan even after life. I can only hope that my life does that; that it changes people even after I'm gone.

I'm still living because of the risk of Joy. There is a risk, there is a chance that Joy could come. I live this life, every day, with the idea that maybe, just maybe, Joy might be right around the corner. I know that the Joy of this life outweighs ANY and ALL of the pain and sorrow that this life could throw at me. The joy of a smile, the joy of watching our nephews run and play in the summer, the joy of the beach, the joy of knowing Jesus, the JOY of a new baby. Wesley and I are ready for another baby; we are longing for the day that Jesus's plan lines up with ours and we bring life into this world again. How is that possible? That doesn't even make sense in my own mind! It is all because of JOY! Ellersley's life inside my belly brought us tears of joy, smiles every morning, excited laughter during the day and giggles late every night. We know that Joy made it all worth it. We would do it all again if we had to, just to feel that joy again. And that's what we are willing to do. We are risking it all for that joy. We hope and pray harder than we ever have that baby # 2 will be so healthy when it does come. We pray that the birth of our second will not be it's death also. We pray that I will be healthy in body, spirit and mind. We pray that God would fulfill all of his promises and that this baby will be raised in Him. We are ready to experience that Joy again and that's what we are living for, the Joy that is found only in Jesus. In the meantime, we trust that it will come and we just keep looking and searching and waiting for it.

Psalm 30:5 - Weeping may last through the night, but JOY comes with the morning!!!

Keep searching for JOY, it's out may just be missing it! Thank you Jesus for the JOY you allow to flood this life. Thank you for the risk of JOY! Allow us all to search for it around every corner of this life; to expect it and anticipate it. It's the only way to live life and live it abundantly, like you have said to do! Thank you for the things you have been whispering to Wesley and I...your promises fill our hearts with more JOY than we ever expected! You and your plans are more than we can handle most days. Thank you for them and thank you, again, for our JOY!

Elle's Mommy

P.S. Happy Sunday! That should give you some JOY!

                         Photo courtesy of : Tamiz Photography

No comments: